Friday, July 10, 2009

"She was with you"

This past weekend, me wife went to Babies R Us to register for the upcoming baby shower. It hain't been planned yet, but no sense in delaying, eh? And it was really hard for her, not having her mom with her. She would have been able to rely on her mother's advice and wisdom on what products were necessary and which were not. Which were the best buys, which were not. Instead she was accompanied by her sister, her aunt, a family friend and her 3 year old son. Needless to say, a very exhausting day both physically and emotionally.

At the end of the day, she made a status post about how much she missed her mom and how it wasn't fair that she wasn't with her. And she got two responses back saying that her mom was with her.

Not helpful, people! Really not. What aisle was she in? What answers, what support, what comfort was to be had knowing that her mom should have been physically with her in the store but wasn't? She said that the next person who said that to her would be bitch slapped. Too bad that next person turned out to be someone me wife really likes. No, there was no slapping, but me wife did tell this woman of what was promised to the next person who said 'your mom was with you.'

When ties are severed because of death and nothing will ever be the same again, saying "she was with you" is ill advised and insensitive. People may be well meaning, but they're better off leaving well enough alone. Me wife's mom was not with her. That's the point. An occasion that might have been for much joy and celebration, doing a baby registry, was fraught with heartache and woe and aggravation and exhaustion.

Important events in life will be bittersweet. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, graduation, weddings, sporting events, recitals, plays, concerts will be missing an important element. The loss of a loved one is keenly felt at such moments (and other times as well). No, me wife's mom was not with me wife when she wanted her and needed her. She was not there to offer advice and encouragement and a shoulder to lean on.

Some vague knowledge that her mom was in heaven was of poor comfort, if any.

What can we do? We grieve. We mourn for those who loved her. We acknowledge that she misses her mom terribly and wishes with all her might that her mom could have shared this experience with her. And we pray for God to heal and comfort the bereaved. And most assuredly we do not say, 'she was with you.'

The peace of God be with you.

6 comments:

Sara said...

Oy... >_<

*hugs Sharon*

Thantali said...

Very well said, achi...

leo509 said...

Thanks, guys. :D

Anna said...

Aw, poor Mrs. Leo. Give her lots of hugs for me, Tio Leo. :(

Daddy God, please be with your daughter as she goes through these hard times. Please continue to heal her broken heart, and be with those around her to comfort her, and love on her. Thanks.

leo509 said...

Thanks, Lilly. :)

Anna said...

Anytime :)