Friday, March 28, 2008

Parsha Shemini (Eighth) continued

Levitcus 11:2 "Speak to the Israelite people thus: These are the creautres that you may eat..."

Why is this chapter on permitted and forbidden foods included in this parsha? This parsha deals with the ordination ceremony of Aaron and his sons to serve as priests; the deaths of Nadav and Abihu and the laws of kashrut. What is the underlying theme that ties them together? "For I the Lord am He Who brought you up from the land of Egypt to be your God: you shall be holy, for I am Holy." (Lev 11:45) The theme is holiness.

The people were freed from under the burdens of Egypt the beit avodim (house of slavery) so that they could be avodim Adonai (servants of God). The system of serving God was regulated by the priests. Nadav and Abihu did not serve God properly but offered esh zarav (alien fire) and were consumed. Now we come to the laws of kashrut which are another way of serving God. By making distincitions between holy and profane, between clean and unclean, we sanctify ourselves and are holy. Lev 10:44

What animals are permitted? Of the land animals, those that chew the cud AND have cleft hooves. If an animal does not have both, it is unclean. Pigs, camels, and rabbits are right out. Of the animals in the sea, fish that have fins AND scales are permitted. Crustaceans, cephalopods and jellyfish are right out. Of the birds, don't eat the eagle, vultures, falcons, ravens, ostrich, kite, nighthawk, sea gull, hawks, owls, pelican, stork, herons, hoopoe and bat. (Is the bat a bird? No it's a mammal. But it is a flying animal and to the Biblical mind, this classified it as a bird). Winged insects are an abomination. Anybody got a problem with that? But, the locust, cricket and grasshopper are kosher. John the Baptist ate locusts. I've never tried locust. Don't plan on doing it anytime soon either. Anything that crawls on its belly, such as snakes and snails (no escargot for me) are unclean. And animals that walk on fours, such as dogs and cats, are not to be eaten. And animals with many legs (spiders, centipedes, milipedes) are also unclean.

The word that keeps coming up is sheketz (abomination). Something loathsome or detestable. It is used in reference to unclean persons or things, especially idolatry. Why use such a strong word in regards to animals? Weren't animals created by God? Why are certain animals (seemingly) arbitrarily classified as unclean? And to that, I have to say I don't know.

The laws of kashrut fall under that category of mitzvot called chukim (laws). Chukim are different than mishpatim (judgments) or torat (instructions) because they are stated without rational explanation. God decreed I am not to eat these animals. If it's good enough for God, it's good enough for me. I am to be conscious of what I put in my mouth. I have to make distinctions between what is clean and what is unclean. Throughout the ages, several reasons have been put forth for WHY certain animals are forbidden to be eaten (and their carcasses touched). Some give health reasons. Some say to separate the Israelites from the surrounding nations.

There is merit in both arguments. But I think they are results of the law, not the reason for the law. For if we say we now know how to cook meat properly and how to preserve meat that the reason for the law disappears. And if we say that we now live among other peoples who don't keep kosher and in order to do commerce and live among them we don't have to keep kosher, then the reason disappears as well.

There is a difference between not following a law because circumstances dictate that the law is impossible to be carried out (destruction of the Temple for sacrifices) and not following a law because we don't find any immediate relevance for it. And that I think is a problem in Reform Judaism. Many Reform Jews don't keep kosher. Or they will do a half-hearted attempt at keeping kosher by not eating pork but they will eat shellfish. But then they will add on the prohibition of not eating meat and milk. That baffles me mightily. But I fear I get sidetracked.

The laws of kashrut are a way to keep us holy. Why cleft hooves? To teach us to make distinctions between holy and ordinary, between clean and unclean. Why chewing the cud? To teach us to not swallow things whole but chew them over, i.e. search the Scriptures dilligently. Why both? Because action without thinking is impulsive and just going through the motions. We aren't prepared to give a reason for the hope that we have. And on the other hand, having the knowledge but not acting upon it is like building a house on sand.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Can one be righteous without observing the holidays?

Can a person be right with God if s/he doesn't observe the Biblical holidays? I think so. IMO, what makes you righteous is not strict adherence to each and every one of the 613 mitzvot but your heart, your effort, your repentance after you sin, your acts of kindess, your study, your devotion to God, your love for the stranger, the poor, the widow and the orphan and your love for your neighbor. Rabbi Tarfon said, "you are not called to complete the task; niether are you free to desist from it." You are not expected to perfectly fufill all of Torah, nobody can, but you are expected to put forth the effort.

Noah was an ish tzaddik (righteous man), tamim (blameless, perfect, worthy) in his generation. Gen 6:9. But the law hadn't been given. The holidays were not in place. How could he be considered rightoues? "And Noah walked with God." When God establishes His covenant with Abraham, God tells Abraham, walk before Me and be tamim (perfect). Gen 17:1 When Jesus preached on loving your enemies, he said, "be perfect, even as your heavenly father is perfect." Matthew 5:48 I do not think that perfect in these instances meant following all the law perfectly. I think being perfect meant walking with God, doing good to those who hate you and praying for those who persecute you. Perfection is acting in a loving manner towards everyone, even as God causes the sun to shine and the rain to fall on the wicked and the righteous.

We can get caught up in the minutiae and miss the forest for the trees. I think this is what Jesus condemned the Pharisees for. They washed the outside of the cup but left the inside filthy. They were concerned about the smallest details of sacrifices but neglected the more important matters of justice and mercy. Do the latter, WITHOUT NEGLECTING THE FORMER. Both are important. As we saw regarding Parsha Shemini in regards to Aaron's sons, right intention without right action is dangerous at best and fatal at worst.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Parsha Shemini (Eighth) continued...

Aaron and his sons bring forward the animals required for sacrifice.

Jewish Study Bible (JSB ) notes: "The he-goat for a sin offering was to purify the Tabernacle. The burnt offering was the first gift of the priests. It is a sublime act of devotion and serves also as an act of attraction, invoking the deity's presence. v.3 The people too are to offer a purification offering, confirming that all are responsible for eradicting impurties from the divine abode; see chapter 4."

Leviticus is not just for the priests. From the opening lines of this book it is clear that all the people are to be addressed. And from Exodus 19:6 we know that the entire people is to be a kingdom of priests and a holy nation. There's a reason that Leviticus stands at the center of Torah. It is our calling (as the Hebrew name, vayikra, implies) to holiness.

JSB: v 4 One of the few occasions on w hich a well-being offering (peace) is made by the public (23:19). Since all will be present for the manifestation of the divine Presence shortly to occur, all will celebrate the joyous event in the appropriate manner, partaking of a sacred repast in God's presence.

What is the point of all this ritual? "And Moses said: 'This is what the Lord has commanded that you do, that the Presence of the Lord may appear to you.' " (Lev 9:6) The Presence of the Lord is identified in later Jewish writings as the Shekinah.*

When we follow God's commands, God's Presence abides with us. Where is God? Wherever you let Him in.

*While God is consistently referred to throughout the Bible in the male gender, the word used to describe God's Presence is a feminine noun.

Parsha Shemini (Eighth)

Leviticus 9:1-11:47

This portion is called shemini (eighth) from the opening line of the text: "On the eighth day Moses called Aaron and his sons, and the elders of Israel." (Lev 9:1)

This portion includes the final rituals of the ordination ceremony for Aaron and his sons to serve as priests (chapter 9); the tragic fate of Nadav and Abihu (chapter 10); and the laws of kashrut (chapter 11).

Let's begin at the beginning. Why is this portion called "eighth"? What was happening the previous seven days? For that answer we turn to the end of last week's parsha. Moses is giving instructions to Aaron and his sons and in Lev 8:33 we read: "You shall not go outside the entrance of the Tent of Meeting for seven days, until the day that your period of ordination is completed. For your ordination will require seven days."

The eighth day was to be the beginning of Aaron and his sons' duty as priests. Eight is significant in the Bible as it is also the day on which a male baby is to be circumcised (Gen 17:12). It is the day on which a Jewish male is entered into the covenant between God and Israel. Just as a Jewish male is entered into the covenant on the eighth day, so too were Aaron and his sons entered into the priesthood on the eighth day. Eight also follows seven. And there were seven days of Creation. Those were the days of God's creating. The eighth day, however, is up to us. We take over where God left off. But didn't God create everything very good? Yes, He did. And then sin entered the world and it has been our task ever since to repair the world. This is expressed by the Hebrew phrase, tikkun olam. Every day we are engaged in a partnership with God to make this world better. We were each given different talents and abilities and it is up to us to make the most of them for the betterment of our world. But how can we better the world when it is so big and the problems are so many and varied? And the answer is to start with yourself. Make this day the eighth day. Make today the day when you decide to live a holy life dedicated to His glory. And how do we achieve holiness? Through His mitzvot. As it is said, "Blessed are You, O Lord, our God, King of the Universe, Who makes us holy by Your Commandments." His commandments include which animals we are permitted to eat and which animals are forbidden. And the reason given is that following these laws make us holy. Lev. 11:44-45

Sunday, March 23, 2008

"Never Back Down" movie review

Starring Sean Farris as Jack Tyler, Cam Gigadnet as Ryan McCarthy, Djimon Hounsou as Jean Roqua and Amber Heard as Baja Miller. Directed by Jeff Wadlow.

This is basically "The Karate Kid" meets mixed martial arts.


Jake Tyler moves with his mother and little brother from Iowa to Orlando. As the new kid on the block, he gets the attention of the local bully, Ryan McCarthy. McCarthy is tall, blond, athletic, arrogant and very, very good at brawling. At a party, McCarthy goads Tyler into fighting and McCarthy takes Tyler behind the woodshed. A classmate, who was at the party, introduces Tyler to Jean Roqua, an instructor in mixed martial arts. Roqua's gym is open 365 days a year. Tyler goes through an intense training regimen at Roqua's gym in the hopes of becoming a better fighter.


Lots of fighting, as expected. Some very cheesy romance, as expected. And an older man teaches a hot headed young kid how to fight, also as expected. All the girls walk around in bikinis. The kids live in insanely huge houses, and except for Jake and one other scene, there is no parental supervision. Do not expect any grand messages about finding out who you are or when to fight and when to walk away. This is UFC style fighting with plenty of blood. Some of the moves are pretty impressive. This is not a drama so we're not looking for pathos and deeply felt emotions. We express ourselves through the fist.


Not recommended viewing. Watch The Karate Kid instead. Mr. Miyagi was a better teacher and better words of wisdom.

Friday, March 21, 2008

God hiding in the book of Esther

This goes along with my "Some Thoughts on Purim" post.



Sometimes it is hard to see the Hand of God in our lives. When things are at their worst or, conversely, when great things happen, we may chalk these up to 'bad luck' or 'good luck.' In hard times we may feel that God hides His Face from us. Like Job, we may ask, "Wherefore hidest Thou Thy Face?... Wilt Thou harass a driven leaf?" (13:24, 25) And if things are going well, how often do we pause to thank God? God actually warns us that we will think our own efforts have produced good things for us. 'You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me." ' (Deut 8:17)



In every other book of the Bible, God is mentioned. (Yes, even Song of Songs-see 8:6). We are continually reminded of God's Presence in creation, history, redemption, prayer, thanksgiving, laws and rituals. Yet, with Esther, God is not mentioned. He is in hiding. Esther too, is in hiding. As her name (hadassah) reveals (pun intended :) ). She also hides her Jewish identity from the king, as instructed by her cousin Mordecai.



I believe though, that if we look dilligently, we can find God in Esther. We can see His guiding Hand in getting Esther crowned queen. We see Mordecai's reward for saving the king's life at the very hands of the man who wishes to destroy him. Talk about irony! But that is the very thing which God likes to do. The measure which people use is measured against them. Haman had prepared a gallows for Mordecai. But it is not Mordecai who is hung, it is Haman. Haman planned to destroy the Jews. Yet on the day planned for their destruction, the Jews turned the tables on their enemies and defeated them. Esther is placed in prime position to save her people. That is not mere coincidence. Mordecai refused to prostrate himself before Haman. He did not worship man. He had no other gods before HaShem.



God's hiding also brings to light the maxim: Pray as if everthing depended upon God; act as if everything depended upon you. When Esther is told of Haman's plot and that she must now reveal her identity to the king and try to save her people, Esther replies that she will fast and then go to the king, and if she dies, she dies. Esther leaves her fate in God's hands.

Let us remember that while God may not always be obviously present, He is always ready for you to put your trust in Him.

Chag Sameach (Happy Holiday)!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Some thoughts on Purim

Since Purim is fast approaching (sundown on Friday, March 21), I'd like to share some thoughts about this holiday.

Purim is a holiday that celebrates the deliverance of the Jewish people in the city of Susa in the days of King Ahashuaras (Xerxes) from the massacre that was planned by Haman. It occurs on the 13th of Adar, (March 22 this year) which is the date that Haman chose for the destruction of the Jews by casting lots (purim). Thanks to the courage of Mordechai and his cousin Esther, the Jewish people were saved from the massacre and turned the tables on their enemies.

In synagogues throughout the world, Jews will read from the Megillah (Scroll) of Esther and have carnivals and act out the story of Esther and there will be much merrymaking. An ancient tradition suggests that people should drink lots of wine. So much in fact that they cannot distinguish between the righteous Mordechai and the wicked Haman. This is not to say that drunkenness is encouraged on a regular basis, just that the people should feel free to rejoice (wine makes the heart glad) and be glad that they were delivered even when God seemed to be hidden. The Name of God does not appear in the book of Esther-I believer the only book in Scripture where this is so. And the Hebrew name for Esther is Hadassah (meaning hidden).

Purim is a joyous holiday with feasting and merrymaking and dressing up in costumes and playing music. A fruit filled pastry called hamentashen (Haman's hat because it has 3 corners) is eaten at this time as well. Those who are interested in observing this Biblical holiday and having a good time are encouraged to contact their local synagogues.

Children are encouraged to participate in the reading of the story by using noisemakers-called graggers-whenever the name of Haman is mentioned. Haman is a descendant of Amalek and God told us He will wipe out the memory of Amalek from under heaven. Exodus 17:14. Also we are to blot out the memory of Amalek. Deut 25:19. When we drown out Haman's name we are symbolically wiping out his memory and the memory of his ancestor, Amalek.

While it is good and proper to celebrate this holiday and have a good time and drown out the memory of Amalek with graggers and to have stories and songs and food, it is also appropriate to reflect on other messages found in the Book of Esther.

1. Vashti She is often given a bad rap for not obeying the king's command. Getting thrown out of the kingdom is what she deserved. However, perhaps there is another way to view Vashti. King Ahashuaras made a great feast and at the end, he summoned Vashti to appear before him and his court wearing the royal crown. The rabbis point out that the text specifically mentions only the royal crown suggesting that Vashti was supposed to wear ONLY the royal crown. She was to be paraded naked before the king and his drunken friends as an object of lust. Vashti had too much self respect to do that. She refused to come to the king. The king consulted his advisors and their advice is an expected response. If we let Vashti get away with this, all women will despise their husbands. There will be no end of disrespect and discord. Esther 1:17, 18. Vashti, even though deposed, kept her honor.

2. Group hatred The kind of thinking that the king's advisors displayed, applying a specific behavior of one person to an entire group is repeated in the story when Haman brings his complaint about Mordechai to the king. Mordechai refused to kneel down or pay honor to Haman. As a Jew, Mordechai would only recognize God as the only one to whom it is proper to bow down and pay homage to. Haman was enraged but when he went to the king, Haman didn't specifically mention Mordechai but talks about Mordechai's people, the Jews. We see how one incident leads to unfair generalizations against a group of people. It's not enough for Haman to destroy Mordechai, Haman wants to destroy all of Mordechai's people. To King Ahashuaras' shame, he accedes to Haman's request. Instead of investigating the matter and seeing if Mordechai's people were deserving of death, he did nothing. For evil to persist, good people have to do nothing.

3. Giving credit where due 'He who repeats a saying in the name of the one who said it, brings redemption to the world. As it is said, "And Esther told the king in the name of Mordechai." Esther 2:22.' Now that incident refers to Mordechai uncovering a plot against the king and Esther telling the king about it, but giving credit to Mordechai. Because of this, however, the king knew he could trust Esther and Mordechai. Mordechai is in fact rewarded for revealing this conspiracy later. And in ironic fashion, Mordechai is given his honors by the very man who hates him-Haman.


4. Recognizing your role Why are we here? What purpose does God have for our lives? When Esther first becomes queen she doesn't reveal her identity to anyone because Mordechai told her not to. Now that her people are in danger, it is time for her to speak up. She is understandably afraid but sometimes we have to act even when we are afraid. Mordechai tells her through a messenger, "Do not think that because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" Esther 4:13-14. Even though God is not mentioned in this book, we can see His guiding hand at work. Esther was placed in the king's palace just for this reason. It was up to her to petition the king for her life and the life of her people. There is a time to be silent and a time to speak. This is a time to speak.


5. Measure for measure The king asked Haman what should be done for the man whom the king delights to honor? Haman thought the king was referring to Haman. Haman comes up with an elaborate suggestion involving a robe and a horse and crest and that a nobleman should go before that man and call out, such is done for the man whom the king delights to honor! Esther 6:6-9. Only it isn’t Haman who gets the honors it’s Mordechai. 6:10 Mordechai saved the king’s life and was rewarded. Haman thought only of himself and wished to destroy people and thus was humbled. Haman wanted to hang Mordechai on a huge gallows. 5:14 Instead it is Haman who gets hanged. 7:10. Haman had a king issue an edict calling for the destruction of the Jews. 3:12-14. But because of Mordechai and Esther, the king issues a new edict and the Jews are called upon to defend themselves against their enemies. 8:8-11.

6. God’s hiding Why was this book included in the canon when it doesn’t mention God? Wouldn’t that be a prerequisite? What do we learn about God not being mentioned in this book?

Comments and questions are welcome. :)

And the study of Torah excels them all...

These are the things for which a person enjoys the fruits in this world, while the principal remains for him in the world to come: honoring father and mother, practice of kindness, early attendance at the schoolhouse morning and evening [diligent study], hospitality to strangers, visiting the sick, dowering the bride, attending the dead to the grave, devotion in prayer, and making peace between fellow men; but the study of Torah excels them all. Talmud, Shabbat 127a

Honor father and mother- Exodus 20:12; Leviticus 19:3; Deut 5:16

Practice kindness-Exodus 22:21-22; 23:9, 12. Lev. 19:10, 33; 23:22; 25:35, 47. Deut. 10:18, 19; 24:14, 17, 19-21; 26:12; 27:19

Early attendance at the schoolhouse-Psalm 1. Joshua 1:7-8

Hospitality to strangers-Genesis 18:2-8; 24:12-25

Visiting the sick-Genesis 18:1; 48:1

Dowering the bride-Genesis 24:53, 59-60 (not sure if these fit, any other examples would be welcome)

Attending the dead to the grave-Genesis 25:9; 35:29; 50:5-13

Devotion in prayer-Psalm 51:10, 15, 17; 145:18.

Making peace- Genesis 13:5-9; 26:26-31. Exodus 2:13

Why does the study of Torah excel them all? Because it leads to them all.

Why Did God give us Torah?

Why did God give us Torah?

To make us holy. Lev. 19:2. Deut 28:9

To help us live. Lev. 18:5. Deut 4:40; 6:2; 30:16

To give us a relationship with God. "I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, the house of slavery." Exodus 20:2

To teach our children. Deut. 6:7; 11:19

To make our way prosperous and give us success. Joshua 1:7-8

To be happy. Psalm 1

So that none might be poor or needy. Deut 15:4-5

To teach us compassion for the stranger, the poor, the widow and the orphan. Exodus 22:21-22; 23:9, 12. Lev. 19:10, 33; 23:22; 25:35, 47. Deut. 10:18, 19; 24:14, 17, 19-21; 26:12; 27:19

To have one standard of law for the stranger and the native. Ex. 12:49. Lev. 18:26. Num. 15:16, 29. Deut 31:12

To teach us about God.

To show us the way. Genesis 46:28. Micah 6:8

To have us be righteous. Psalm 15. Isaiah 58

To study. Psalm 1. Joshua 1:8. Psalm 119.

It revives the soul; makes wise the simple; gives joy to the heart and gives light to the eyes. Ps 19:7-8

To pursue justice. Deut 16:20

To learn about sin and atonement and forgiveness for sin. Exodus 32:11-14. Leviticus 1-6; 16. Numbers 14:19-20; 15:22-31

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

1 and 2 Opinions

On dating...1 Opinions 3:1-5

And the lovesick desperately seeking boyfriend and girlfriend advice came to the site and poured out their hearts and asked the most important question in the universe: What do I do? And those wise of heart responded, do your homework, worry not about boyfriends and girlfriends, focus on God, wait until you're ready for marriage, and gave other such words of wisdom. And the ones seeking affirmation of their desires to lead a sinful life stopped their ears and cried out, you don't understand! And behold, they felt disrespected and there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth.


On the proper diet...1 Opinions 11:6-8

6. And thou shalt eat the cheesecake not for one day or for one week or for a month or a year but all the days of thy life. 7. Yea, thou shalt eat it until it comes out of thy nostrils. 8. And thou shalt love the cheesecake even unto thy death.

On what Jesus looked like... 1 Opinions 12:1-15

And it came to pass that the people inquired, what did Jesus look like? And some said he had blonde hair and blue eyes. And some said he had brown hair and brown eyes. And still others said he was tall of statute and strong of muscle. And yet others said he was slight of build. And they were all of them lacking in eyewitness accounts or physical proof. For in truth, there were no photographs or video taken of the Nazarene. And those who knew him personally have gone to their eternal reward and left no physical description of him in their records called Gospels. And in the New Testament it is said that he was the son of Mary, of the house of David. Verily, he was a Jew by birth. And he had the Middle Eastern complexion and features of Jews from that region. The same features can be seen on his brethren today who still live in that area. But the people persisted in their belief of a white man with blonde hair and blue eyes as he is so often depicted in various paintings, drawings and films, from ancient times even to this day. And the people pointed at DaVinci's last supper and said, 'see, this is what he looked like.' And none thought to inquire whether DaVinci had been extended an invitation to the Last Supper and had arranged the Master and his Disciples just so and had them hold their poses until such time as he was finished painting.

On writing well (See also 2 Opinions 5:1-4)

1 Opinions 23:1-10And the teenager spake thusly: I will type however I wish to type. Do not criticize my spelling and grammar. It is faster and easier for me to type this way. And since we are using the internet, we should be allowed to type differently.And the lovers of the English language and her defenders against such violent attacks bade stone the teenager with stones.And the teacher bade them sit down and said, he among you who has never made a spelling error or used incorrect grammar either through laziness or ignorance, cast the first stone. And they put down their stones and went away. And the teacher said, where are those who condemn you? And the teenager answered, there are none. And the teacher said, niether do I condemn you. Go, and violate the English language no more.

On taking advice... 1 Opinions 25:14-17

And thou shalt not take the advice of those who say "do your homework". But thou shalt surely call such advice stupid. And thou shalt surely denounce those who presume to know what they speaketh about by tellin them to shut up. Verily, I say unto you, any of you who accept the words of these false teachers have no share in the world to come, in Paradise, amen.

On banishing debates...1 Opinions 40:1-81.

And the administrator held forth and spoke to all the users and said, behold, these seven Truths shall not be mocked, debated or refuted. 2. And there came a man who hurled a question in the administrator's face: Why? Why is discussion and debate banned?3. And other users replied to his question only to find the thread deleted.4. And the thread would be resurrected and struck down again. Like the hydra that fought Hercules, as one head was cut off, two grew in its place.5. And the administrator had enough and man's profile was in fact banned.6. And grievious in the eyes of other users was this ban.7. For he often would hold forth with unpopular opinions. But his arguments were well reasoned and well written. And while he showed respect to those deserving of it, he bowed before no man.8. And indeed his posts were even a reason that others came to the site, including one with the surname SquarePants.


On spamming....2 Opinions 3:1-10

1. And the theme of the thread shall be spam. 2. Thou shalt spam and spam and spam. Yea, thou shalt certainly spamalot. 3. And the posts shall have naught to do with one another. 4. And if a common theme be found among the posts, verily they shall be deleted. 5. Behold, it has been told thee what is good and what the moderator doth require; 6. But to spam and to make nonsense and to post often. 7. And lo, thy posts shall increase and fill the forum and great shall be the confusion of those who come after thee. 8. And the users shall be overwhelmed by the spam. 9. And there shall be much rejoicing. 10. Let it be so even now, amen.


On writing well (see also 1 Opinions 23:1-10)...2 Opinions 5:1-4

There shall be found among you none who are lazy in speech or writing of the English language. Thou shalt diligently teach thy son and thy son's son the correct spelling and usage of words, the correct usage of verb tense and pronouns, the correct usage of contractions, and further elements of style. And in time to pass, when thy son shall ask thee, "what doest thou mean by all these rules of spelling and grammar?" Then thou shalt say unto him, "it is because of what the Lord did for me in freeing me from the bondage of intellectual laziness."

On “no asl”...2nd Opinions 27:1-24

And behold it came to pass that the people would bombard the chatroom with "asl"? And they did send pm's to unsuspecting users in which the first question asked was 'asl'. And they held forth and said, "i want to no who im talking too." And they would invariably follow "asl?" with "do you have a bf (gf)?" And verily it was plain to see that they wanted to hook up. And the powers that be did ban the asking of asl in the main chat. And the people did circumvent by asking asl in pm's. And lo the bombardment of asl did grow tiresome and weary. And it was decided by even the author of this passage, that the renunciation of stating asl would be a tenant of the faith. Yea, he who has ears to hear, let him hear. Dost thou want to know a user's asl? Go to the profile. And shoulds't thou say, the profile is locked. Verily, there must be a good reason for it. And hast thou asked to be that person's buddy and been rebuffed? Take heart; it is no personal reflection upon thee, but rather a statement by that particular user not to accept every buddy request. And shoulds't thou demand the right to know a user's asl, consider that user's right to privacy. And ponder in thine heart why asl is of such importance to thee and if knowing asl will assist thee in preaching the Gospel even to the ends of the earth. For if the Gospel was given to make disciples of all nations, what does it matter the age, sex and location of those who hear the Gospel? Behold, it is said: "And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days." Joel 2:28-29

And it is said, "the earth will be full of the knowledge of the LORD as the waters cover the sea." Isaiah 11:9

And it is said, "On that day, the Lord shall be king over all the earth. The Lord shall be One and His Name shall be One." Zechariah 14:9