Monday, November 2, 2009

Generations

And these are the generations of Leo, a disciple of Elyon. And Leo begat Yehudit Chava, a daughter in his own image and likeness. And he said, brucha haba'ah (blessed is she who comes). And he thanked God with these words: Praised are You, O Lord, our God, King of the universe, Who has given us life, sustained us and enabled us to reach this season.

And it came to pass on the 22nd of October in the year 2009, corresponding to the 4th of the month of Chesvan in the year 5,770 from the creation of the world by HaShem, blessed be His Name, that Yehudit Chava came into the world. And the manner of her birth was of great struggle and suffering even as HaShem said to the first Chava, "I will greatly multiply thy pains in childbirth." And lo, the contractions did cause the baby's heartrate to drop dramatically such that the doctors and nurses were all greatly concerned. And the doctor bade the mother consent to an emergency c-section and yea, the same was performed that same hour.

And at 9:09 the doctor did pronounce, "it's a girl!" and after the staff suctioned the mucus from the baby's mouth and nose and the air flowed into her little lungs that she uttered her first cry bringing tears to her parents as well.

And lo, mother and father and baby did stay at the hospital over the weekend getting some time together while mother recuperated from her surgery. And yea, there were a great many messages and cards and phone calls and gifts and visitors. And Yehudit Chava did meet her grandfather and aunts and uncles on her mother's side. And she met her great grandmother and grandparents and aunt on her father's side. And there are still many uncles and an aunt on her father's side she has yet to meet.

And great was the rejoicing when Yehudit Chava came home for the first time and the family from her mother's side was at the house, including her great aunt, that is her mother's mother's sister.

Steep and difficult has been the learning curve for Yehudit's parents as she is the firstborn child for either of them. And her mother has had no child-rearing experience, ever. Not even babysitting. And while her father has done his share of caring for his younger siblings and changing diapers, that has been many years ago. And so her parents learn about her non-verbal communication and what different cries mean. And they learn about feeding her and changing her diapers and bathing her and comforting her in the wee small hours of the night.

And for all the crying and fussing and keeping her parents up at night, so that neither gets much sleep, her parents will accept it. A smile on her face instantly banishes all dark clouds. Holding her in their arms while she sleeps, all other concerns are forgotten.

Lord, may she have the wisdom of Sarah, the kindness of Rebekah, the tenderness of Leah and the courage of Rachel. Beautiful she is already, like the moon and the stars. And may she also be blessed with good health all her days and may she have descendants as numerous as the sands of the seashore and the stars in the heavens.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Thy Will Be Done

Usually, when praying, I ask that my will be done. I ask that God align His will with mine. I petition the Almighty for all sorts of things. Health, happiness, success, prosperity, goodness, peace. Things I want.

But if we look at the model for prayer in Matthew 6:9-13, we see praise of God first and then asking that His will be done.

In times of great distress and turmoil, I am wont to ask that His will match mine. And yet it is more appropriate that I ask for my will to match His.

I was reminded forcefully of this last night when my wife heard from her father that he has prostate cancer. With all the tsouris already going on in her life, this news sent her over the edge. She was distraught. It's a scary word, cancer. It makes the blood run cold. It makes you worry-immediately. Horrible imaginings come to mind. How can you not be shaken?

And the natural reaction is to pray for his health, to pray for a speedy recovery, to pray that the cancer be removed and he be restored to full health and strength.

All this is well and good. I do not say that we should NOT ask for these things.

But, we should first ask that His will be done. If we would ask anything for ourselves, let us ask that we be given the strength to accept His will. For who knows if it be His will to heal my father in law? I would love it if it were. But if it is not, how deeply disappointed I will be. How angry at God. And why? Because He didn't answer my prayers. He didn't grant my petition.

And yet, and yet, life and death are not in my hands. Who lives and who dies, is not up to me.

If I could be granted the strength to accept His will, whatever happens, and of course I want my father in law to get well, then whatever does happen, I should be ok with.

A hard thing, to be sure.

Let His Name be glorified. Let his kingdom come. Let us learn to accept His will, come what may.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Much as I'd like to

I think it's too early to say that the division race in the AL East is over. New York has a 6 game lead on Boston with 36 games left to play. The two teams will meet each other for another 3 game set. If NY's lead has shrunk to only 3 games by then (which is possible, though admittedly not likely) that becomes a huge series that could decide the race for the division crown.

New York has been playing well of late, especially since the All Star break, with a major league best 29-10.

But, a lot can happen with 36 games left to play. In a much shorter span, the Red Sox saw the Yankees pull away with a four game sweep at Yankee Stadium and a series win (2 of 3) at Fenway.

Barring catastrophic injuries (may the Almighty preserve them) the Yankees appear to have the division sewn up. Let's just not anoint them the winners till they've achieved their magic number.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Shir Ha Shirim chapter 2, continued

Lover
14 My dove in the clefts of the rock,
in the hiding places on the mountainside,
show me your face,
let me hear your voice;
for your voice is sweet,
and your face is lovely.

This is not so bad, at least in my opinion. Dove is nice, isn't it? A symbol of peace. A beautiful white bird. "Clefts of the rock and hiding places on the mountainside" calls to my mind Moses hiding in the cleft of the rock on Sinai and also Elijah hiding in the same place when the Almighty passed by. See Exodus 33:21-22 and 1 Kings 19:11-12. And then he compliments her on her face and voice.

15 Catch for us the foxes,
the little foxes
that ruin the vineyards,
our vineyards that are in bloom.

And then the lover breaks off into a rant against foxes that ruin the vineyards. Not sure what this is doing here, but what the hey, right? :D

Beloved
16 My lover is mine and I am his;

This refrain (my lover is mine and I am his) will occur in various forms throughout this book.

he browses among the lilies.

17 Until the day breaks
and the shadows flee,
turn, my lover,
and be like a gazelle
or like a young stag
on the rugged hills.

so, what exactly is she asking her lover to do at night? And is it all night? "until the day breaks and the shadows flee" And "turn, my lover, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag." Meaning, what, exactly? "Turn and be like a gazelle or a young stag." Is she saying to run all night? To leap about? To frolic? And by frolic, does she mean sex? Hard to say. *shrug*

Friday, July 10, 2009

"She was with you"

This past weekend, me wife went to Babies R Us to register for the upcoming baby shower. It hain't been planned yet, but no sense in delaying, eh? And it was really hard for her, not having her mom with her. She would have been able to rely on her mother's advice and wisdom on what products were necessary and which were not. Which were the best buys, which were not. Instead she was accompanied by her sister, her aunt, a family friend and her 3 year old son. Needless to say, a very exhausting day both physically and emotionally.

At the end of the day, she made a status post about how much she missed her mom and how it wasn't fair that she wasn't with her. And she got two responses back saying that her mom was with her.

Not helpful, people! Really not. What aisle was she in? What answers, what support, what comfort was to be had knowing that her mom should have been physically with her in the store but wasn't? She said that the next person who said that to her would be bitch slapped. Too bad that next person turned out to be someone me wife really likes. No, there was no slapping, but me wife did tell this woman of what was promised to the next person who said 'your mom was with you.'

When ties are severed because of death and nothing will ever be the same again, saying "she was with you" is ill advised and insensitive. People may be well meaning, but they're better off leaving well enough alone. Me wife's mom was not with her. That's the point. An occasion that might have been for much joy and celebration, doing a baby registry, was fraught with heartache and woe and aggravation and exhaustion.

Important events in life will be bittersweet. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, graduation, weddings, sporting events, recitals, plays, concerts will be missing an important element. The loss of a loved one is keenly felt at such moments (and other times as well). No, me wife's mom was not with me wife when she wanted her and needed her. She was not there to offer advice and encouragement and a shoulder to lean on.

Some vague knowledge that her mom was in heaven was of poor comfort, if any.

What can we do? We grieve. We mourn for those who loved her. We acknowledge that she misses her mom terribly and wishes with all her might that her mom could have shared this experience with her. And we pray for God to heal and comfort the bereaved. And most assuredly we do not say, 'she was with you.'

The peace of God be with you.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Shir HaShirim, chapter 2

Beloved:

v. 1 A rose of Sharon, a lily among the valleys. One commentator says the beloved "modestly compares herself to the wild flowers of Sharon." I haven't seen the wild flowers of Sharon, but I hear tell that they are beautiful. I'm not sure how comparing oneself to those flowers is being modest, but hey. :)

Lover:

v. 2 Now here's a comparison! The beloved is a lily; the other maidens are thorns.

Beloved:

vv 3-13 The lover is compared to an apple tree among trees of the forest. What's the difference? He bears good fruit which is sweet to the taste. Food imagery is used in connection with love- apples, wine, raisins. How she longs for his embrace. And she charges the maidens of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and deer of the field (what? What does that mean?) do not rouse love, until it please. Meaning....? Her lover is compared to a gazelle leaping and bounding and standing at the wall gazing through the windows, peering through the lattice. His desire for her is so great he runs to her and waits by her window for her to get up. And he calls, come, get up, lecha dodi ("come, my beloved." Or, as I like to tell my wife, "move, baby.") Winter is past, the rains have come and gone. Look! It's spring! Flowers appear! The turtle-dove sings. The fig tree is ripening its early figs, the vines in blossom give forth their fragrance. Here's another reason for the Song of Songs to be read during Passover. Passover occurs in the spring. New birth, new life. Recall that God gave the Israelites new life by redeeming them from the bondage of Egypt. And as the lover calls to his beloved, so too, should we men call to our beloveds.

To be continued...

Friday, June 19, 2009

Shir Ha Shirim chp 1 (cont'd)

Beloved

v. 12 A pleasant dinner date perhaps? She wears perfume.

vv. 13, 14 The lover is compared to fragrant herbs and henna blossoms. What is this "resting between my breasts" business? Pretty graphic stuff for the Bible that doesn't always delve into explicit details regarding sex.

Lover
15 How beautiful you are, my darling!
Oh, how beautiful! Here is a good place to stop.
But he continues...
Your eyes are doves. Eh? This is flattering to his beloved, how? Not being on the receiving end of any 'compliment' such as this, I have no idea how this was supposed to be taken. Any ladies ever been told that your eyes are doves? How'd that make you feel? If you haven't suppose someobody did tell you this. What would you think?
Beloved
16 How handsome you are, my lover!
Oh, how charming! Nice, so far
And then we get this .... And our bed is verdant. Their bed is green with vegetation? So, they sleep outdoors? Or, he brings in plants and flowers and herbs and spices and litters the bed with them? Or perhaps the bed is 'green' as in 'inexperienced' or 'unsophisticated.' But that hardly makes sense as they don't shy from explicit talk about sex. So, yeah, other insights would be appreciated.
Lover
17 A well built, sturdy house. Firs and cedars. Good, strong wood. May have been expensive as well. Of course, Solomon could afford it. But this may have been an unidentified couple that Solomon was writing about. We're looking at an ideal. The man is strong, wealthy and virile. The woman is beautiful and certainly uninhibited. She's not shy about declaring her love for her lover to her friends. Nor does she refrain from talking about her body or her lover's body.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

More Thoughts on Shir Ha Shirim

Chapter 1

v. 1 This tells us that Solomon is the author.

v 2. This could be where we get the phrase "kisses sweeter than wine."

v 3. The beloved speaks of her lover as wearing perfumes. Could be scented oils. But yeah, wearing of cologne has apparently been around since Solomon's time and probably before.

v. 4 And the beloved says, let's go to your room!

(Friends) Where'd they come from?

They rejoice and delight in the lover. The 'you' is masculine singular. Must be really good love to be praised more than wine. At least one would hope so and not that the wine was of poor quality. :)

(Beloved)

Agrees with the friends. And why not? :)

v. 5 Black is beautiful. At least the beloved can see that.

v. 6 But others stare so she says that her skin was darkened by working out in the vineyards. Apparently they were not her own but her mother's sons'. Interesting that she doesn't say 'brothers.'

v. 7 So, where does her lover graze his sheep? "veiled woman beside the flocks of his friends." This calls to mind the story of Tamar and Judah and how Tamar dressed herself as a prostitute and waited by the side of the road for Judah to come by on his way to the sheep festival. The beloved doesn't want to be seen as a prostitute.

(Friends)

v. 8 So they offer some advice. Go follow the sheep tracks and graze your goats by the shepherd's tents.

(Lover) He speaks!

v. 9 And the first thing he can think of to tell his beloved is that she's like a horse! Like a mare harnessed to one of Pharaoh's chariots! He probably imagines that Pharaoh would keep only the best and most beautiful of horses. So she's highly prized by him. Hmmmph. I dunno how many women would like to be compared to a horse, but maybe that's just me.

vv. 10, 11 A little better. Cheeks beautiful with earrings. Cheeks? Not ears? Perhaps these were dangly earrings or earrings with hoops and they hung down to her cheeks. Who is this "we" in verse 11? Earrings of gold studded with silver. Now this I think is a little better. Who wouldn't want jewelry?

(to be continued)

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Shir Ha Shirim

The Song of Songs, which is Solomon's. Said to have been written by King Solomon in his youth when he was full of passion. Commentators, uncomfortable with the sexual content of this book, have downplayed the sexual overtones of this book and said that the love described in this book is that of God and His people. Certainly, that is one way of interpreting the text, but I don't think you can say that God loves His people the same way the lover and beloved love each other.

This book is traditionally read during Passover. There is a reference to the chariots of Pharaoh (1:9). But more than that, God showed great love to Israel in redeeming Israel from slavery in Egypt. And the obvious passion between the lover and the beloved in this book is but a shadow of the great love God has for His people.

More to follow.... (hopefully) :)

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Mercy and Judgment continued

The first part of verse 23 says that God banished Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden. The next part says, "to work the land." However, this does not mean that work is a curse placed upon Adam and Eve and all succeeding generations for disobeying God. Before they ate from the Tree of Knowledge, God had placed Adam in the Garden to work the land. Work preceded sin.

The difference here is that working the land will be much harder. Thorns and thistles and earning your food by the sweat of your brow.

After banishing Adam and Eve, God placed cherubim on the east side of the Garden and a flashing sword, guarding the way to the Tree of Life.

Cherubim-angels. Not naked babies with wings and halos. Cherubim are fearsome creatures. The great sphinx in Egypt is an approximation of a cherub. Cherubim appear again in the Wilderness wanderings. God commands that cherubim be crafted and placed on top of the chest of testimony (ark of the covenant) that resided in the Holy of Holies in the Tabernacle.

What can we learn from the relationship between the cherubim and the flashing sword and the Tree of Life? The Torah is likened to a tree of life (Proverbs 3). The cherub faced each other with their faces over the ark of the covenant which contained the tablets of stone on which were inscribed the Ten Commandments. The cherubim guarded the way to the Tree of Life, or Torah. The flaming sword....hrmmm....I dunno. But Paul says that part of the armor of God is the sword of truth. To get to the Tree of Life, you must use the truth and pursue it. Cut through all the bs using the sword of Truth. Many and varied will be the distractions and temptations to block your way. Fight them off with the sword of truth.

Be ye well,

Leo

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Mercy and Judgment (Gen 3:21-24)

21 The LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. 22 And the LORD God said, "The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever." 23 So the LORD God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken. 24 After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side of the Garden of Eden cherubim and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life. Gen 3:21-24

garments of skin The first sacrifice in the Bible is done by God Himself. The fig coverings were not sufficient to cover Adam and Eve. If the wages of sin be death, then death was necessary. God said that in the day that Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge of good and bad that they would die. They ate but did not die that day. Something else died in their place. What animals were slain to provide the skins for Adam and Eve? Scripture does not say. It's a small point though I'm sure there's lots of speculation about it. But the point is that blood was shed to cover over their sin. Blood atoned for their sin. Their sins were covered over. And their wearing of the animal skins served as a reminder that a living being was sacrificed so that they didn't have to die. What mercy God showed for Adam and Eve.

And the Lord God said... like one of us Who is this "us"? God has said "us" before in creating mankind and will say it again when men make the Tower of Babel. There are several theories as to who the "us" refers to. Christians see this as a reference to the Trinity. Others have said that the us is like a "Royal we". For example the Queen may say "we are not amused" when referring to herself. Some have said that the us refers to angels. I confess to not knowing. Those who like to argue for a triune God use this verse as a prooftext. However, as interesting as this trail may be, it can get us sidetracked very easily.

knowing good and evil. Before they ate from the Tree of Knowledge, what knowledge of good and evil did Adam and Eve have? Was there any distinction? Was everything all good? I think the presumption is that Eden was a paradise. Gan Eden (Garden of Eden) is a mystical paradise in rabbinic literature. It's all goodness and light and joy and happiness. With wisdom, however, comes heartache. Like God, mankind now knows that there is evil. There is wickedness and sin and shame and guilt. And like God, mankind will have to make distinctions between what is good and what is bad, between sacred and ordinary, between clean and unclean. And this will no longer be done in the Garden of Eden.

tree of life God would not allow Adam and Eve to reach out and eat from the tree of life and live forever. Why not? Again, an act of mercy. Mercy? Aye. And I learned the following from me mother in law (z'l) For if man stretched forth his hand and ate from the tree of life, he'd be forever in a state of sin. But I think that the fact that God clothed Adam and Eve in animal skins signifies that their sin was atoned for and forgiven.

To be continued...

Friday, May 1, 2009

Chava Gen 3:20

Adam named his wife Eve, because she would become the mother of all the living. Gen 3:20 (NIV)

In Hebrew, her name is Chava, which is related to chai (life).

The living, not the dead. The curse is pronounced upon the serpent and the ground. Please take note of that. No curse is pronounced upon Adam and Eve. This does not mean that they go unpunished, far from it. But the idea of humanity being cursed for all generations because Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge has no Biblical basis.

Eve, her name means life. She is mother of us all. The world's first mother. She is the progenitor of all the generations of humanity. Rather than shame her memory by saying we are cursed because of her sin, let us acclaim her life giving quality.

Praise the Lord, Who, in His great mercy and loving kindness, did not immediately put to death Adam and Eve for their sins but allowed them to beget the human race.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

As for Adam... (Gen 3:17-19)

17 To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,'
"Cursed is the ground because of you;
through painful toil you will eat of it
all the days of your life.

18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
and you will eat the plants of the field.

19 By the sweat of your brow
you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
and to dust you will return."


I want you to take note of what gets cursed. The ground. Not Eve. Not Adam. The earth suffers the curse for man's disobedience. We see this repeated throughout Scripture. Blood pollutes the land. Sexual immorality defiles the land and causes the land to spew out its inhabitants. The earth suffers for our disobedience. And ultimately, this will cause us to suffer as well since we are dependent upon the earth for our very lives.

"Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree ...." Are we to take from this that a man ought not to listen to his wife? On the contrary, pay attention to your wife and see if what she says conforms to what God says. The crime was not in listening to Eve; it was in doing what she said. She said to eat from the tree; God said don't.

And the result of the curse is that man must now get his food through painful toil. Eating from the tree of knowledge was easy. I presume that getting food before this sin was easy. Why else would God emphasize "painful toil" and "thorns and thistles" and "the sweat of your brow"? I would submit that prior to this sin, getting food involved none of these things. Before, getting food was easy. Now, it will be hard. This is way before there were farmers and butchers and shepherds and grocery stores and refrigeration and food preservation and so many other things we take for granted that make our getting food relatively easy. Adam had to plant the seeds and water the plants and pull weeds and drive the animals away that would eat his produce and then he had to harvest and separate the wheat from the chaff and he had to grind and make flour and do all the work involved just to get a piece of bread. I don't know if he had any tools to help him. I don't know if he could have used animals to help him plow and harvest. It truly was by the sweat of his brow that he was able to get any food.

This ought to give me some perspective. I might complain about having to take a couple hours out of the day to go grocery shopping. As if I have to do painful toil. I can get into my car and drive to the store and select whatever food I want and put it in a cart and pay for the food and bring it back home. I had nought to do with the preparation of any of the food. There was no painful toil. I did not have to deal with thorns and thistles. I did not sweat to produce this food. It's all very conveniently grown and harvested and packaged and placed on the shelves or bins and just waiting for me to pick it up. The hardest work I have to do is lifting the groceries. How easy I have it compared to Adam. And I think because getting our food is so easy now as compared to what Adam had to do we are wont to forget the curse on the earth.


"until you return to the ground...dust ... to dust..." The earth reclaims us. We were formed from the dust of the ground and to the dust we return. We like to think that we are mighty and superior to the earth and the other living creatures that inhabit it. After all, we were given dominion over the earth and over the fish and the birds and the land animals. We were told to fill the earth and subdue it. And what a job we have done. And still, we all of us must eventually go back from whence we came. It ought to give us pause.


Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Sin and Consequences, Gen 3:14-16 (part 3)

So we're discussing what it means for a woman to desire her husband but the husband to rule over her. I've stated that I don't think this means that a husband is to rule over his wife sexually or intellecutally.

Lilly: I've always taken it to mean that the woman will want to rule over the husband when it comes to making decisions. Like, if it comes down to something the wife and husband strongly disagree, but a decision has to be made, it's the husband's place to have the final say, but the woman will want the final say (and, being female, I admit, we like to talk too much :P). Just what I've heard.

This is a little nearer to what I had in mind. Kudos. :) Certainly, there ought to be discussion and open communication between husband and wife. Compromise when necessary. But the husband has the final say. I like that, since I'm the husband. :D But really, this can be abused very easily. Husbands are to take their wives' concerns and feelings and objections and proposals in mind and not to arbitrarily decide how things are to get done just because they feel like things should be done a certain way. A man who does not take his wife's point of view in mind does not respect God. God said to Abraham, "hearken unto Sarah's voice." We as husbands, must hearken to our wives as well.

I still wonder, how is Eve having to submit to her husband a consequence for Eve's disobeying God's command? The Torah is frustratingly silent on Adam's role in this whole episode. He was with her. Did he say anything? Did he object? Did he rebuke the serpent? Did he try to stop Eve? Did he say he didn't want to eat from the Tree but did anyway because Eve did? What did Adam do? I must confess I don't know.

But considering what God says to Adam later on in this chapter, there's a time to hearken to our wives and a time to "wear the pants" and be a firm decision maker. Adam was apparently pantsless.



I tell you a truth, it is a hard thing to submit your will to another, especially when you don't agree.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Sin and Consequences (Gen 3:14-16) part 2

"...Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." Gen 3:16

Much has been written about this verse. Many and varied have been the interpretations. And women have been subjected to much suffering with this verse playing no small role in that subjugation. Especially the latter part, "and he will rule over you."


The subjection of women has got to stop. We can no longer say that because God said a husband is to rule over his wife that he has the right to beat her, or to embarass her in public or to otherwise mistreat her. A husband is to love his wife more than himself. Monetary, physical and spiritual efforts should be made to secure her happiness. "He who finds a wife, finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord." A newly married man is to be exempt from military service. Why? To bring happiness to his wife. I find no support in the rest of the Torah or the Prophets or the Writings that say a man is to rule over his wife in the way that millions of men have ruled over their wives for centuries-with beatings and shaming and silencing and dictating what they should eat, wear, read, watch and who their friends will be and when they can visit and a whole host of other restrictions.

Now, I have been known to (and still do) make light of this verse by saying to my wife that I "command" her to do something. I will say, "woman, I command you." Or "you will obey me." Since she knows I'm just kidding, she'll respond "Psssshhhh, whatever." Unfortunately, I have seen the case where a husband will tell his wife to do something and expect to be obeyed without argument and she'll comply. It saddens me greatly that husbands and wives are so often opposing (in a negative sense) rather than supporting.

What then are we to make of this verse? And again, how is this a consequence for Eve's actions?

Your desire... Some say this means sexually. A woman will desire to sexually dominate her husband but he is the one who gets the final say. Are we to interpret this to mean that a husband can demand sex from his wife whenever he wants it? Are we to take this verse to mean that a husband and wife will have sex only when the husband decrees? Unfortunately, some have interpreted the verse that way. Some men have gotten it into their heads that their wives are to pleasure them whenever the mood strikes them regardless of how their wives are feeling. And compliance is assured by force. Oy. I could not disagree more strongly.

Physical intimacy between a husband and wife is meant to be enjoyed. It is a great gift that the Almighty gave to humanity. Sex is not just for procreation but for pleasure. For this union of husband and wife to become an act where one party just takes to satisfy his own urges and gives nothing in return is to make the holy profane. Two do not become one. Two remain two and any feelings of closeness or love are swept away. This is not love but lust. The word for love in Hebrew is ahavah. The middle letters spell the word hav, meaning 'give.' To love another is to give of yourself for the other. Love is about giving. Lust is taking. When two become one, they give of themselves to each other and are united by mutual feelings of closeness and trust. When one takes from the other, with no concern for the other's welfare, there is only gratification of lust.

your desire... Maybe this refers to the desire to dominate intellecutally. The fruit was desirable as a source of wisdom. And the same word "desire" is used here. So, what? Wives are not permitted to teach Torah? They are not permitted to lead services? That cannot teach men Torah and mishnah and midrash? They must remain silent and only ask their husbands at home and submit to what their husbands tell them? Again, some say yes. Orthodox Jews do not have women rabbis or women cantors or women sitting with men in shul or women teaching Torah or Talmud to men. Paul said that he did not permit women to speak in church or have authority over men. He even said for them to keep silent. 1 Cor. 14:34

And again, I part ways with my Orthodox brethren and with Paul. For I see no shame or unseemlyness or anything untoward in women preaching or teaching or asking questions in church or shul. Are men's minds so weak that they cannot control lustful thoughts if they see a woman sitting next to them or standing in front of them giving a sermon or teaching from the Scriptures? Are we men so insecure that we cannot entertain the thought of being corrected by a woman? Are we so naive as to think that we know all the answers and could not learn anything from a woman? Why then is wisdom personified as a woman? Why is justice a woman? Why is the esheh chayil (woman of valor) of Provebs 31 said to speak wisdom? The Bible has several stories where women played a vital role in teaching, in prophecying, in leading men and in doing heroic deeds. Women are no less God fearing than men. Women are no less capable of learning and teaching the Scriptures. If we are to advocate for equality in terms of treatment for men and women, let there be women rabbis and cantors and pastors and teachers. Let them bring their perspectives as women to the text and share what the text says to them. Let them teach and share their wisdom. To silence women is to silence half our population. We do well to listen to the voices of our wives, even as God told Abraham to hearken unto Sara's voice. (Gen 21:12).

Well, if men are not to rule over their wives sexually or intellectually, in what way is a woman's desire for her husband to be subjected to his will? In what way is a woman to submit to the will of her husband?

Stay tuned... :)

Friday, April 17, 2009

Sin and Consequences Gen 3:14-16 (part 1)

We went from Adam to Eve to the serpent. Now we will go from the serpent to Eve to Adam.

Notice that no questions are asked of the serpent. The serpent is not afforded an opportunity to account for its actions. Why not? Honestly, I don't know. Any answers we come up with will be purely speculative.

And the Lord God said to the serpent, "Because you have done this, Cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life. And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel." Gen 3:14-15

For its actions, the serpent is cursed. Cursed above all animals, wild and domestic. It has to crawl on its belly. This mention of crawling has led some to believe that the serpent used to walk upright but now is reduced to crawling on its belly. Eh. Seems rather fanciful to me. "Eat dust." I dunno if there are any lessons to be learned from this. :) Enmity between serpents and women and between children and serpents is predicted. Now, there are many who see Messianic overtones in these verses.

1 "your offspring and hers", meaning the seed of the serpent and the seed of the woman. But men are the ones who have seed. What woman would have seed without a man? Mary, the mother of Christ.

2 "crush your head...strike his heel." Foreshadowing the battle between Christ and the dragon in Revelation.

The senior rabbi at shul has seen these verses as an etiological story (story meant to explain why things are as they are). People and serpents do not get along (mostly). Serpents naturally strike at people's heels since both are low to the ground. And people attempt to smash serpents' heads. Genesis is a book full of beginnings. And here we see the beginnings of the enmity between people and snakes.

To the woman he said,"I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." Gen 3:16

increase? Could it have been that Eve previously conceived and bore children with little or no pain? It has been suggested by my rabbi at shul that there was no sex, no birth and no death in the Garden of Eden before Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge. Hmmmm....Seems plausible enough, but depending on how you interpret the word "increase", it could be argued that there was at least sex and birth before this sin.

Nevertheless, from now on, labor will be difficult and painful. I would bet dollars to donuts that any woman who has delivered a baby will tell you that labor is called labor because it is painful and difficult. Goshness, I hope the wife and Junior make it through the delivery as smoothly as possible with no complications and with as little discomfort as possible even though God decreed that childbirth would be painful.

Furthermore, why is this decreed upon the woman for having eaten from the Tree? How does the "punishment" (if it can be called that) fit the crime?

I put punishment in quotation marks. Notice that the word "curse" is not mentioned in regards to Eve. The serpent is cursed. Eve is not cursed. But should this be called a blessing then? I don't think we can say that either. What shall we say then? It's a consequence for her actions.

What did Eve do? She saw that the fruit was a delight to the eyes, and good for food and desirable as a source of wisdom. I wonder if there is any relation to childbirth. Children are the fruit of the womb. They are also called the apple of their parents' eyes. Children are not food but they eat the same food as the mother while in the womb. And children are often great teachers opening up our eyes to things we never thought of or seeing things in a completely different way. So, perhaps in this way childbirth relates to the sin of eating from the Tree of Knowledge. But why increase the pain of childbirth? And why must it be carried from generation to generation? Every woman since Eve who has ever delivered a baby can tell you of the pains of childbirth. For these last two questions, I'm not entirely sure.

Maybe, because sin is so often easy, the consequence must be harsh to teach us not to sin again? But that doesn't answer why every woman who has gone through labor since Eve has had to deal with it being painful. And for that, I don't have an answer. Maybe others more learned than I have some insights or suggestions.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

questions and answers Gen 3:10-13

God asked, "where are you?" And Adam answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid." Gen 3:10

What kind of answer is this? Adam says that he heard, that he was afraid because he was naked and that he hid. None of this answers the direct question, "where are you?" What shall we answer when asked, "where are you?" Answer as our father Abraham answered. "Hineni" (here I am). Here, at this spot, at this moment. This is where I am. This is what I am doing. This is what I am thinking, feeling, saying. This place in my life is where I am. And be honest. I am weak. I am doubtful. I am hopeful. I am joyful. I am watching a movie. I am talking with friends. I am out shopping. I am at school. I am at work. I am discouraged. I am upset. Whatever it is, say so. When asked where you are, say where you are. Perhaps you are not full of the joy of the Lord. Perhaps you have had a close friend or relative die suddenly. Perhaps you are worried about work or school or sports or music or dance or dating or the suffering of millions around the world due to starvation and disease and oppression and injustice. Adam does none of this. He dissembles.

And God is not pleased.

"Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?" Gen 3:11 More questions.

Adam said he was naked. How did he know? There's only one way he could have known. And that was from eating from the tree that God commanded him not to eat from. Again, God knows the answers to these questions. Why ask them? To get Adam to confess his sin. To have Adam acknowledge his guilt and repent. Does Adam confess? Does he repent?

The man said, "The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it." Gen 3:12

On the contrary. Adam puts the blame on God and Eve.... The woman you put here with me. This is your fault, God. If you hadn't given me this woman, I'd never have eaten from that tree!
And she gave me the fruit. What was I supposed to do? Have you ever been married? Do you know what it's like to have to listen to your wife saying eat this, eat that, why don't you like what I make for you? Oy. This woman, she just talks all the time. She's constantly telling me to do this or that or the other thing. How could I know the fruit was from the forbidden tree? She said eat this fruit, so I did. She said she talked to a serpent! A serpent! Can you imagine that? Serpents don't talk! You and I know that. But, what could I do? She gets so upset if I don't believe her. She thinks I don't trust her or something.

You know what, last night I woke up to her tickling my side. I'm like, "what are you doing, woman?"

She's like, "are you sure you're not seeing anyone else?"

"Anyone else? Who else is there? Why are you touching my sides?"

And she says, "I'm counting your ribs."

So yeah, I ate the fruit. Just to shut her up. But You, You put her here with me. You knew what she was going to be like. You could have made her differently.

God turns His attention from Adam and his ridiculous protestations to Eve.

Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate." Gen 3:13

A direct question. What have you done? It requires a direct answer. I ate from the tree. Eve does answer a little better than Adam. At least she acknowledges what she did. And she knows it was wrong too, by using the word "deceived." The obvious implication is that if she wasn't deceived, she wouldn't have eaten from the tree. But, she too casts blame elsewhere. She blames the serpent saying that it deceived her.

How hard a thing it is to admit wrongdoing. To admit where we are when asked, especially if we're in the midst of sin or have just commited a sin. How hard and embarassing that is. And why? Because we want to hide from our sins. We want to cover them up, not expose them and risk His wrath and terrible judgment. We'd rather justify ourselves or cast blame elsewhere. Especially if we know the punishment for transgressing will be a harsh punishment. Who wants to suffer a harsh penalty even if we know we deserve it?

Lord, give us the courage and strength to answer honestly, hineni (here I am) and let Your mercy and compassion prevail over Your justice so that we are not swept away in Your righteous anger.

Glory to God, amen.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Where are you? Gen 3:8-9

Adam and Eve heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden at the close of day. Before they ate of the forbidden fruit, this probably would not have been a problem. They might have talked and walked with God without fear. But now, now they are in fear. They knew they did wrong and they "hid themselves from the presence of the Lord."

Nelson Study Bible (NSB) notes: The scene is pathetic and sad. Here comes the Lord ofr an evening walk and a cozy chat. But Adam and Eve, who have "become wise," cower in the trees to avoid being seen by the Creator of the universe. What had been a perfect, shameless fellowship has turned into dreadful fear of God-not fear in the sense of true piety, as with Abraham, Moses, David, and Solomon-but the raw terror of being discovered in the wrong.

How true this reaction of hiding still is today. How often do people cover up their sins or try to hide them? How often do we push them aside, not daring to let others see the mistakes we have made? How terrifying it is to have our sins exposed to the light of day. How awful we feel to have to answer for what we have done. Especially when we feel that what we have done is a grave misdeed. Adam and Eve were given one negative commandment. Don't eat from this tree. Adam (may have) even added not to touch the tree. And still this wasn't enough. Stripped of the protection of the law, for that is what the commandment did, was protect Adam and Eve in the Garden, they are now naked and vulnerable.

Their fig leaf coverings do little to hide the fact that they have sinned. In fact, they do quite the opposite. By virtue of having made themselves leafy coverings, they proclaim that they know they are naked. Before, their nakedness was no cause for shame. They had no reason to cover up. Now, with their eyes having been opened, they feel a need to cover their nakedness. And they still hide from God.

And God called to Adam, "Where are you?" Did God not know where Adam was? Could God not see Adam? On the contrary, if we say that God is omniscient, then He knew exactly where Adam was. He could perfectly see Adam hiding in the trees. Why ask this question?

And here we see the beginnings of God's attributes of Justice and Mercy working side by side. The text, when speaking of God, uses the names YHVH Elohim (Lord God). The rabbis say that YHVH signifies God's attribute of mercy and Elohim signifies His attribute of justice.

Had God been merely just, He would have immediately brought death upon Adam and Eve. There'd have been no questioning, no pleas for forgiveness. They were told the law and the penalty for breaking that law. Justice would demand that the penalty be carried out.

Had God been merely merciful, there'd have been no punishment at all. They would have been forgiven and allowed to stay in the Garden. There'd have been no consequence for their behavior.

There must be both justice and mercy. Actions have consequences. Sin must be accounted for. And at the same time, if He took account of all our sins, who could stand before Him? Judgment must be tempered with mercy.

And so God takes time to talk with Adam and Eve. God, who already knows the answers to the questions He's going to ask, gives Adam and Eve a chance to account for themselves.

Where are you? A question we should ask of ourselves every day, maybe even several times a day. Where are we? Where are we in terms of our walk with God? Where are we in terms of loving our family, our neighbors, the stranger? Where are we in our devotions? Where are we? Are we at school, at work, at play, at home, at church, at shul, at a restaurant, at a movie theater, out shopping, hanging out with friends, at a game? Where are we? And what are we doing there?

If we engage in gossip or evil speech, where are we in terms of loving God and loving our neighbor?

If we be at church or shul but our minds and hearts are unrepentant, where are we?

If we fill our eyes and ears and minds with sights and sounds that encourage us to be violent, to be immoral, to be selfish, to be greedy, where are we in our walk with God? Can we say that such things don't affect our walk with the Almighty? If so, amen and hallelujah, may your strength increase. If they do affect our walk, maybe we should be more careful about what we let our eyes to see and our ears to hear.

Where are we? Are we hiding from God because of our sins? Are we hiding from the poor, the widow, the orphan and the stranger because they make us feel uncomfortable? Are we hiding from our neighbors? Are we hiding from ourselves, not willing to face and struggle with our problems? Where are we?

Monday, April 6, 2009

Eyes opened

Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Gen 3:7

Having had their eyes opened by eating of the forbidden fruit, what do they realize first? That they are naked. Did they not know they were naked before? Yes. And there was no shame. But now, there is shame. Now they make coverings for themselves of fig leaves.

What is it about being naked that causes embarassment and/or shame? What is it about our naked selves that makes us seek cover? Did God not create us Himself? Wherefore are we ashamed of our nakedness? Naked we come from the womb. A baby feels no shame about its nakedness. A baby cares not that he is naked. Sometime later (weeks? months? years?) nakedness is something that we care about. I wonder what it is about our bodies that makes us cover them. This is not to say that I advocate a nudist lifestyle. Some (maybe a lot of ) people should not walk around naked. Yours truly being one of them.

What changed from being naked and feeling no shame to being aware of being naked and making coverings?

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Gen 3, continued

"your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." Gen 3:5

eyes ... opened Sight is a powerful thing. The ability to see-to distinguish light from darkness, truth from falsehood, holy from profance, and good from evil-is very important. By sight we see and are seen. We look around us and see God's Hand in His creation. We study the Scriptures. We see suffering and moved by compassion to ease it. We see beauty and give thanks to God.

And on the other hand (how often there's an 'on the other hand') there are many things we're better off not seeing. And our eyes can often lead us astray. We see something tempting and are motivated by lust to have it. We see suffering and devastation and may be tempted to curse God.

What can we do? "Walk by faith, not by sight." If you have the ability to see, which I presume you do if you're reading this post, use it. And when you come to a question of whether you should follow what your eyes see, walk by faith.

you will be like God, knowing good and evil. What a heady thing. To be like God! What power! What knowledge! What greatness! And all it takes is eating of this fruit? How easy! You mean, if I just eat this fruit, I'll know good and evil and therefore be like God? Wow! Why didn't He tell us this? Maybe there's more to this Tree than meets the eye.

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Gen 3:6

So Eve took a closer look. And what did she see? Pay attention-there are three things.

The fruit was good for food; it was pleasing to the eye, and it was desirable for gaining wisdom.
Once again I commend you to Sara's blog about this famous story about temptation. Excellent exegesis which I would be remiss in not having you read and consider. I cannot add much more than to say that the last one (wisdom) finally convinced Eve to eat the fruit.

Food is good. Beauty is good, but that's not enough. They had plenty of both in the Garden already. But for the sake of wisdom, Eve was willing to sacrifice her carefree existence in the Garden of Eden. She was also willing to risk death, although she had no idea of what that was.

I wonder, if Eve hadn't eaten from the Tree of Knowledge, would humanity have acquired wisdom some other way?

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Gen 3:4-5

4 "You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. 5 "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."


Die?! You're not going to die! What does God know? He's just jealous of His wisdom and knowledge. He doesn't want you to open your eyes and know good and evil. He wants you to be His little puppets and just do as He says. The serpent appeals to Eve's desire for knowledge and wisdom. The serpent tempts Eve through subtlety. Much like Teelah tempted Tanis.

the serpent said: There are many who have problems with this statement and with the story of Balaam's donkey in Numbers 22. Animals can't talk! Anybody who would believe that such things happened is gullible, or worse, deliberately ignorant of scientific facts. Therefore, the Bible cannot be trusted as a source of truth. It must be full of ... of... well, you know what.

One common response: It was a miracle. The serpent talking and Balaam's donkey talking were miracles. Another response: God can do anything. He can make the waters part, He can make the sun stand still, He can rain down manna from heaven, He can make a pillar of cloud and a pillar of fire go before the Israelites on their journeys through the wilderness. He can make the dead rise, the blind to see, the deaf to hear, the mute to speak. He can make an akarah a joyful mother. [HEHEHEHEHEHEHEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!] Surely, it is no great feat for Him to make animals talk.

Objection: The word 'miracle' is not in the Bible. The stories mentioned are presented as fact, as actually happening. We know from observation of animals and people that animals do not talk. Apart from the two stories in the Bible, there's no evidence that animals ever talked to humans. And there's no evidence that such things happen now. Similarly, there's no evidence of the Reed Sea splitting or of manna raining down from heaven. And if the sun ever did stand still there would be catastrophic results on the earth. Since we're all still here, and the earth continues on its revolutions around its axis, same as it ever did, clearly, such a thing never happened. You silly little believers. You follow a book that tells you that animals talked, that a great fish swallowed a man and that he was in the fish's belly for three days and came out unharmed, that the waters parted, that the sun stood still, that manna (whatever that is) came down from heaven for forty years, that there was a worldwide flood for forty days, etc. etc.

Answer: And? This makes me what? Stupid? Gullible? Ignorant of scientific evidence? My belief that the stories as recorded in the Bible actually happened hampers my ability to use reason and logic and understand science? How? The study of Scriptures is a fantastic exercise in logic and reason. The harmonization of seemingly contradictory passages is one such example. The attempt to understand why God commanded certain rules, the attempt to live my life as God commands, demands my understanding of the text. I am required to read the words and interpret and apply that understanding to my life. Wrestling with difficult passages such as the command to kill men, women and children of other peoples brings to bear feelings of empathy, compassion and outrage. The nitpicking of certain details as being completely contrary to scientific evidence evidences more about the motives of the nitpicker than the one who believes.

I look at the Bible as more about faith and teaching and loving one another than it is about how wrong it is in terms of science. It matters little to me if people want to disprove the Bible scientifically. What effect does that have on how I live my life? Does my adherence to the mitzvot change because the earth is billions of years old rather than thousands of years old? Am I to love my neighbor and the stranger any less because the earth would not survive if the sun stood still? Should I hate my brother in my heart because bats aren't birds and rabbits don't chew the cud? Shall I commit murder, incest, idolatry, child sacrifice, and blasphemy [heaven forbid!] because there's no way a worldwide flood happened?

To conclude that the Bible is morally corrupt or "full of it" or self-contradictory or not trustworthy because of contradictions or unscientific evidence or abscene of historical evidence to back up its claims is what the skeptic would have you believe. Skeptics care not for the Bible as a guide for living righteously. Those looking for evil in the Bible will find it. Those who hold the Bible up as immoral will find proof texts to support their claims. "Text out of context is a pretext." Are we willing to accept the Bible on its terms? Are we willing to study the Bible and understand it in terms of when it was written and what the surrounding cultures were like at the time? And, can we also look at it from our own 21st century perspective and try to understand how these laws can apply to us today? What relevace does a conversation between a serpent and a woman have for us today?

Some will say none since animals don't talk. I say, look at the story closely. What was said? What was done? How was Eve tricked? What did Adam do? What was God's response? Why did God respond that way?

Let's return to the text.... :)

Monday, March 23, 2009

We interrupt this thread on Genesis 3

with a breaking news story!

The wife and I are expecting our firstborn! Yay, God! :D I'm thrilled and a little terrified. I'm grateful and anxious. I'm hopeful and fearful. I'm awestruck at the miracles He provides for us and how dependent for life we are upon Him. Lord, I pray that my wife and child be healthy. I pray that we lead our child in Your ways of justice and righteousness, of mercy and compassion, of love and forgiveness, of kindness and patience, of study and worship, of work and rest, of friendship and peace. May our child be blessed with a love of your Word and its teachings, a fruitful and happy marriage and a lifetime of good deeds devoted to Your glory and service.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Gen 3:1-3

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?" Gen 3:1 (NIV)

Did God really say? Right away the serpent plants seeds of doubt. Can it be true that God actually said you cannot eat from any tree in the garden? We know that is not true. God them one negative commandment: don't eat from the tree of knowledge of good and bad. This does not mean you cannot eat from any tree, just that one tree.

you The Hebrew is plural. KJV has the archaic "ye", which is the second person plural. Was Adam also present when the serpent spoke to Eve? When she took of the fruit and gave it to her husband, notice that the text says he was with her. Was he there the whole time? How much of this conversation between the serpent and Eve did he hear? And if he was there the whole time, why didn't he say anything? If men are to be leaders what kind of example was Adam setting? How could he let Eve be tempted by the serpent and not rebuke the serpent? Did he not remember what God had told him? Was he also beguiled? People have been quick to blame Eve for the fall of mankind. Let us not forget that Adam was there too and he said nothing.

2 The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.' "

and you must not touch it

Well, two out of three ain't too bad, right? She was correct that they were allowed to eat fruit from the trees in the garden except the fruit from the tree in the middle. But God did not say "don't touch it or you will die." Whence cometh this prohibition? Where would Eve have heard such a thing if God hadn't said it? Answer, Adam. Where did Adam get such a notion? I hain't got the foggiest.

We see here the conflict between "making a fence about the Torah" and not adding or detracting from God's laws.

The men of the kenesset ha'gadol (great assembly) said to make a fence about the Torah. Meaning, add safeguards to make sure you don't violate the commandments. For example, if God said not to boil a kid in its mother's milk, don't have any mixture of meat and milk at all, ever. Do not have meat and dairy in the same meal. Have separate cookware, plates, cups, bowls, and utensils for meat and milk.

On the other hand, God explicity said in the Torah not to add or take away from His commandments. Deut 4:2.

The former is Talmudic, based on oral tradition, the latter is straight out of the written Torah. I place greater emphasis on the written Torah. Orthodox Jews hold the Talmud on equal footing with the written Torah. How do we find a balance? What makes sense? What allows us to live fully for God within the rules and regulations He set for us? Are 613 commandments not enough?

Perhaps Adam felt he was making a fence about God's commandment and protecting himself and Eve from transgressing that commandment. Maybe he should have checked with God first. But the Torah is silent about any conversations Adam and God may have had regarding not touching the tree of knowledge. Suffice to say, God did not say "don't touch the tree or you will die." God did say, "don't eat from that tree, or you will die." We must be careful when trying to understand what God wants of us that we first understand what He says. There is more merit in doing the obligations you're expected to do than going above and beyond the call of duty. Lest anyone boast about his or her observance of the mitzvot, let us first recognize that none of us follow it perfectly, so why add additional burdens?

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Naked/Subtle

Many and varied have been the writings about the sin of eating from the Treek of Knowledge of good and bad. They range from Milton's Paradise Lost to Dekker's Black. For an excellent discourse on the temptation felt by Eve, I commend to you Sara's blog: http://overratedlogic.blogspot.com/2009/01/temptation.html

And now I will throw my own offering into the mix about this story. :) This will prolly take a few posts.... :)

Ninety nine point nine, nine, nine percent of this story takes place in Genesis chapter 3. But there is an important detail in the very last verse of chapter 2 that ties into chapter 3. Let's look, shall we?

The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Gen 2:25 NIV (emphasis added)
Naked: arum, spelled ayin, resh, vav, mem

Now turn to Gen 3:1 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. (Emphasis added)

crafty: erum, spelled ayin, resh, vav, mem. Same consonants as the word for naked. This word is also rendered as "subtle", "sly", "clever", "sneaky", and "cunning."

There's an element of deceit when this word is used is reference to the serpent. When used with reference to Adam and Eve however, there's no shame. See how things change though. After they eat of the Tree of Knowledge their eyes are opened, they see that they are naked and are suddenly ashamed. What caused this transformation? Sin. And so they make clothes (beged) for themselves. And the word for clothes (beged) also means treachery or deceit. From innocence to shame. From blessing to curse. And in between is sin. What once was pure and holy has now become a cause for shame and embarrasment. And why? Because of sin. Becuase the serpent through subtlety, craftiness, and sneakiness, tempted Eve to sin. See how wicked is sin.

It first appears as tempting, as a delight to the eyes and as good for food and desirable for knowledge. But once the glitter is stripped away its ugliness is revealed. So too with Teelah (hope I remembered the name correctly), the black bat in Black which tempted (oh shoot, the oldest living human-Tanis?) to drink the forbidden waters. And Teelah first appeared in beautiful plumage and then became dark and ugly. So too with sin. Don't be deceived by that which appears beautiful on the outside but inwardly is rotten to the core.


To be continued...

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The prophetess

And the women, dancing with their timbrels followed Miriam as she sang her song:
Sing a song to the One whom we've exalted
Miriam and the women danced and danced the whole night long.

Who was this woman? Aside from the matriarchs, she's one of the more famous women in the Bible. What do we know of her? That was the older sister of Aaron and Moses. That she was a prophetess. That she led the women in song and dance after the crossing of the Sea of Reeds. That she spoke out against Moses by saying he married a Cushite woman. Yes, all that and more.

I have included her in my six sketches of women who were responsible for Moses being able to lead the Children of Israel out of Egypt. And she is to be praised for her work in getting Egyptian and Hebrew to work together. For it was Miriam who watched from the banks of the Nile as Pharaoh's daughter came to bathe. And it was Miriam who suggested that a Hebrew midwife be brought to the palace to nurse the baby. And it was Miriam who got her mother, Jocheved, to nurse Moses. And thus Moses learned of his people and history and about God, all thanks to Miriam.

It is also related in a midrash that when Pharaoh's decree came down that all male babies be killed that Amram, Miriam's father said that men should divorce their wives so that no more babies would be born to be thrown into the Nile. And Miriam spoke up that Amram's decree was worse that Pharaoh's. Pharaoh allowed the girls to live. Amram is cutting off the future of the people at the root. And Amram conceded and said that men did not have to divorce their wives. And some say, this allowed Moses to be born.

Yay for Miriam. Yay for Jocheved and Shifrah and Puah and Zipporah and Pharaoh's daughter. Praise the Lord to whom our praise is due, now and forever.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Bit'yah

She is unnamed in the Biblical text. This appellation was given to her by the rabbis of the Talmudic age. Her name means "daughter of the Lord." In the Bible she is known as the daughter of Pharaoh. Why the name change?

We have to contrast Pharaoh with the Lord to understand this. Pharaoh thought of himself as a god. He was worshipped as a god. His word was law. He also had a certain worldview that was completely at odds with God's plan for humanity. Pharaoh decided it was ok to work the Hebrew slaves seven days a week without a break for the Sabbath. The idea of the Sabbath was probably completely foreign to him and would have sounded like madness. What? A day off to worship the Lord? A day when the slaves weren't working? Unheard of! Who ever heard of letting the slaves decide when they would work and when they wouldn't? One of the excuses Pharaoh gives for not letting the Israelites go into the wilderness to worship the Lord is that they are lazy. See Exodus 5:8, 17. Pharaoh also decided that it was permissible to beat the slaves and kill them if necessary. To order the murder of all male babies by having them thrown into the Nile was fine with Pharaoh. And see how completely at odds with God all this is.

The first holy day instituted by God was the Sabbath. God decreed that we are to work six days and rest on the seventh. God gave us life and it is up to us to preserve it, to reverence it. Murder is specifically prohibited. Mistreatment of slaves is prohibited. Although, there is some debate about that since if a slave takes to his bed as a result of a beating but can get up after 3 days, there is no penalty imposed on the slave's owner. But certainly the beating of slaves to the point of death is no ok at all. If a slave lost an eye or a tooth because of a beating, the slave must go free. The point being that even the slave is made betzelem Elohim (in the image of God) and is also to be afforded dignity.

Pharaoh's daughter knew what her father (the king of Egypt) had decreed. She probably also saw the suffering of the Hebrew slaves. One day she goes down to the Nile to bathe and sees the little ark with the baby Moses in it. Had she paid heed to her father's instructions, she'd have just turned the akr over and let baby Moses drown and/or get eaten by a crocodile. The fact that she didn't, that she took pity on the baby shows her true colors. She raised Moses as her own son. No daughter of Pharaoh would take pity on a Hebrew. Therefore, she must be a daughter of God. Her values are much more in line with God's than Pharaoh's.

Praise the Lord for Bit'yah. May we all aspire to take pity on the helpless, the victims of unfortunate circumstance. May we have compassion on the stranger and always answer to our Father's calling to be a light unto the nations.

Friday, March 13, 2009

noble

If we are to think on whatever is noble, it would be well to consider what is noble. Noble, what words come to mind when you hear this word? If someone or something is of noble character, what do we mean?

The esheh hayil (noble wife) of Proverbs 31 gives us some good examples. She brings good and not harm, all the days of her life. She is hard working-gets up early, selects wool and flax, works with eager hands, provides for her family and servants, considers before buying (makes good purchases), sets about her work vigorously. What else? She gives to the poor and needy-has a kind heart. She is clothed with strength and dignity. She does not fear the future (laughs at days to come). Why? Because her family is well provided for in food and clothing because of her diligent efforts. She speaks wisdom, watches over her household and is not idle. Such a woman, would not her children and husband praise her?

So we see that someone or something that is noble is worthy of praise. Noble is something to aspire to. It's worth thinking about because it's how we should strive to be. We should think before we act. We should be generous to the poor and needy. We should be hard working. We should be careful with our speech so that we speak wisdom and have faithful instruction on our lips.

Do you know of any noble people? Talk with them. See how they act, how they treat others, how they talk. The Bible is also a good place to study this word. A concordance is an excellenet resource for this kind of study. See what kind of people in the Bible are of noble character. How did they act, speak, pray?

Let the glory of God be exalted. May He inspire us to be noble. He is a mighty King. We are his children. That makes us princes and princesses, i.e. nobility. Let us act accordingly.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

What do you think about?

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Phil 4:8

Throughout the course of a week, a day, an hour, a minute, many many thoughts run through my head. Some I pay attention to, others I let fly by. The vast majority of them are anything but what Paul mentions in his letter to the Philippians. How will I pay the bills this month? What's for dinner? Will I be able to watch that tv show I like tonight? Who's on First? What's on Second? Let's see, there's a motion to answer. I need to draft a complaint. I gotta send a letter to this attorney or that client or make a phone call. It's my dad's birthday tomorrow, what should I get him? He says he doesn't want anything. I gotta get the oil changed in my car. We need to go grocery shopping. We need milk and bread and meat and fruit and veggies. We need cat litter and trashbags. It's gonna be spring soon. That means more outdoor work. Gotta get the lawnmower serviced. Is it the weekend yet? And on and on and on.

Rarely do I pause to focus my mind on what is noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy. What things would fit these categories? God, obviously. But that's too cliche of an answer. What about God? His holiness? Certainly. But it's so far above ours, what can we hope to understand about it? His love? His justice, mercy, compassion? Same problem. What can we hope to understand about such things? Try specific examples. How did and does He manifest His love to us? In what ways is He compassionate, merciful, just, forgiving, patient? What examples from Scripture do we have of these occurrences? This is why study of Scripture is so important. It helps us focus our minds on Him.

But suppose we don't have the opportunity to study Scripture as much as we would like. What else can we do? How do we focus on what is noble, pure, lovely, admirable, etc? If we notice something in our lives that is any of these things maybe we can take a moment to pause and appreciate it. What things? A bright sun-shiney day. Enjoying the company of friends and family. An inspiring piece of literature. A movie that made us laugh, cry, think. Doing a mitzvah such as giving food to the hungry or clothing to the naked or shelter to the homeless. Such things ought to give us pause and make us reflect on our own lives. What are we doing in His service? We are called to let our light shine before men. We are meant to be leading examples of His servants. Let the light within us be bright, not dark.

What would darken the light? Things that are the opposite of what Paul mentioned. There is ugliness and sin in the world. There is depravity and brutality and cruelty. There is oppression and suffering and weeping and gnashing of teeth. We ought not to ignore it, but we also need to not let them extinguish our light for God. How do we combat this darkness? Bring the light.

Do not allow yourself to dwell on the misery and suffering in the world. Misery loves company. Unhappy thoughts breed unhappy thoughts. Focus instead on what is good, what is right, what is pure, what is holy. Yes, there is greed and ugliness in the world. There is also beauty and truth. Where are they? All around us. Amber (hope I got the name right) posted about beauty being everywhere. What about truth? "Truth is beauty and beauty truth. That is all you need to know." That which is true is beautiful. That which is beautiful is true. Simplistic? Yes. Accurate? Depends on your definition of beauty.

Some time ago I posted about seeking God's Face and gazing upon His beauty. And this was in the context of worshipping in shul. I see His beauty manifest when we greet one another with a Shabbat Shalom. When we chant the prayers to Him with uplifted hearts. When we study His Holy Word. But we can not also gaze upon His beauty outside of shul? Certainly. In nature. In people helping one another. In doing any number of mitzvot- studying the Scriptures, welcoming the stranger, making peace when there is strife, visiting the sick, rejoicing with bride and groom.

In our daily lives we don't always have these opportunities though. We don't always get invited to weddings, or have time to pay a sick call, or study the Scriptures. But we do have time to consider how our actions affect ourselves and others. In doing our school and homework, are we putting forth our best effort to show not only that we care about our work but also as a way to honor our parents and teachers? When we talk, do we consider if what we're saying is gossip and might hurt another person? When we watch a show or movie or listen to a piece of music, does it affect our walk with God? If such things cause us to stumble, perhaps we need to be more careful of what we allow our eyes to see and our ears to hear. When we eat, do we give thanks to God for the food and the good land that produced the food? When we lie down at night and get up in the morning, do we thank God for our souls, for His daily miracles, for His wonderous provenance?

I know that this is something I need to work on. Most of my thoughts are selfish. What am I doing? What is best for me? What do I need to do to make things work out best for me? When am I going to eat next? What form of entertainment will I choose tonight? A book? A movie? A tv show? A game? Time on the computer? It's a hard thing to refocus my thoughts on God.

Perhaps, one small thing at a time. Today, be conscious of what I eat and remember to thank God for the food and the earth. Tomorrow, be conscious of how I talk with others-my wife, my boss, my friends, my family. And always, hold up the standard of what is noble, pure, and praiseworthy. It's one thing to see what I'm doing. It's another to see how that compares with God's way and to attempt to change my behavior.

And the only way to compare my actions with God's standards is to know His standards. And He is all about whatever is noble, true, right, praisworthy, excellent and admirable.

Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to You, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. (Ps 19)

Thursday, March 5, 2009

For a brief shining moment

I was warm. :) I was walking around outside enjoying the sun. I could see grass under my feet instead of snow and ice. Most of you know that I have been on vacation for the last week. I was in sunny Florida, enjoying the beaches, the warm weather, the company of family and friends and of course the food. Where'd we go? DQ, a sushi restaurant, a chinese restaurant, pizza, subs, coffee shops (I hate the coffee, but there was other food like bagels and muffins and such), we even visited a wine and cheese shop. Now I'm not a wine drinker, but the wife is. And we both like cheese and there was tapas and empanadas too. Oh what else, ice cream and cookies of course.

It was really nice to get away from the stress of work and non rent paying tenants and just enjoy one another's company. It's a rare treat that the wife and I get to spend large amounts of time together. Both of us are extremely busy with work (she has 2 jobs) and after work activites: shul, choir rehearsals, klezmer rehearsals, committee meetings, volleyball, etc. For a few days, we were able to put all that behind and just be together. And it was really refreshing.

There were a couple poignant moments in our travels as we realized we wouldn't be bringing back any souveniers or gifts for my wife's mother. I didn't dwell on them too long. I think she would have enjoyed hearing about our vacation and what all we did and our visit with our friends and family. Part of me wonders if she already knows what we did. Perhaps she can see us from heaven and is pleased that we had a good time. I would like to think so, but, really, who knows?

Nu, a good vacation. Praise God for the time off and a chance to recharge the batteries and especially to enjoy the warmth, even for a brief, shining moment.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Further thoughts

I wonder about memorial services, funerals and the like, and what they mean for people who only knew the deceased marginally or not at all. Are they long and boring? What if the service is from a faith different from their own? Are they uncomfortable? What's the proper protocol? When do I stand up, sit down? And what about this person that they had no or very small connection to? What can they hope to learn about them? What can an hour and half tell you about someone who lived for sixty plus years? What can an hour and a half tell you about anybody, no matter how long they lived?

And for those of us who did know her, what was left out? What memories do we choose to share, what do we keep to ourselves? It's an odd thing, reviewing a person's life and picking and choosing what parts get displayed. At such times as these, we choose to remember the best parts of her.

In our grief we like to be consoled. And we choose to recall happy moments, things that make us smile. We remember the best parts of her. If there were disagreements or unflattering things she had done or said, they can wait. Why add to the misery? I think there will be time enough to think on such things.

The past eleven days have been a whirlwind of activity. We've had family from out of state staying over at our house. I met one of the wife's cousins whom they hadn't seen in twenty plus years, when she was an infant, and I had never met. There have been cards and cards and cards. Very nice ones too. Flowers and flowers and flowers, also very nice. People have brought by food. It seems incredible that it hasn't been two weeks since she died and already it feels like a month. We've been going through her stuff, going out to eat, visiting with one another. Hardly a moment to one's self. I suppose that's a good thing. There are times to be alone and times to be together. This was a time to be together. Just, wow, with all the family and friends and well wishers. All the phone calls and cards. The driving back and forth from one place to another. I never saw such activity from so many people in such a short period of time.

Now that the flurry of activity is done, where do we go from here? Friends and family we haven't seen or spoken to in years, will we keep in touch? We exchanged phone numbers and emails. How far will good intentions carry us? How long before life settles back into a routine?

What will holidays be like without her cooking? What will birthdays and anniversaries be like? Graduation? God-willing, the birth of her grandchildren? What's Mother's Day without your mother? There was a book that came out some years ago called "Tuesdays With Morrie" by Mitch Albom about a young man's visits with an old man, Morrie, and their conversations and what lessons the young man learned from Morrie. For the wife, she had Tuesdays with Mommy. Thankfully, the last couple Tuesdays have been filled with activity. And this Tuesday we'll be getting ready to leave for vaca and next Tuesday we'll be coming back from vaca. But what about after that? A good friend of the family has basically insisted that my wife come and visit her on the following Tuesday after she gets back. Don't call, just show up. It won't be the same-nothing ever will be-but at least she won't be alone.

I have been told that there will be periods of intense longing and sadness. Probably some time after we get back from vaca, or even during. They're normal, but still may take us by surprise. A silly, random thing can pluck a heart string and stir a memory. I can't think of anything at the moment, but I know that they will come. Is there any defense against such attacks on the soul?

I suppose not. We cannot rely on our own strength, our own understanding. Is not God sufficient for us? It's been said that God never gives us more than we can handle. Maybe not. I'm glad He knows how much I can handle. I'm not sure I do. I wish I didn't have to find out.

What is the best way to honor the memory of the dead? What do we think she would have us do? What would she want? Would she say, weep not for me, for I am with Jesus? Would she say, let not your hearts be troubled? Would she say, sing unto God? I think so. I just don't know how.

I don't have the words. I don't have the voice. My heart is still raw and sore and bleeding. Let others lift up their voices in song. I can only write what I feel in my heart.

Lord, open my lips that my mouth may declare your glory. (Psalm 51) Amen.

Memorial Service

We had the memorial service for me mother in law on Sunday. Not a funeral, as there was no burial. Her wishes were to be cremated. So her cremains were in a simple wooden box on a table at the front of the church. The box was covered with a simple linen cloth. On the right side of the box there was an 11x14 photograph of her taken at the wife's and my house a couple years ago for Mother's Day beautifully matted and framed by the wife. And on the left side was a drawing on black paper of her as a child holding onto her doll with her right hand and onto Jesus with her left and she was facing a doorway through which a shaft of light was coming. Her husband drew that one several years ago.

We sort of made an improptu receiving line as people were coming into the church. The service began with the song "Balm in Gilead" (one of her favorites) being played on the piano. The priest, or rector (not sure what you call the spiritual leader in a Lutheran church) came up the center aisle followed by his wife holding a really large cross then a close personal friend dressed in white vestments and the family, the husband, the firstborn son and his wife, the wife and I, the youngest daughter, the sister, the brother and his eldest daughter, and an adopted daughter (our housemate).

We sang a hymn (forget which one). The first reading was from Isaiah 25:6-9, read by the sister. The second reading was Romans 8:31-39, read by the firstborn son. The third selection was Psalm 106:1-5, chanted (not sung) by the wife, beautifully done too, I might add. The husband read from the Gospel of John (hrmmm... I forget which passage now).

The priest gave the sermon talking about her life. How she "wished it was a musical." Aye, that she did. She loved music. Loved singing. Delighted in her family playing and singing. Her role as a teacher, leading Christian education, Godly play, even teaching the priest a few things. Her goodness, her generosity, her love for her family. It was really touching. I think there was another song. The woman did really like her music and we had plenty of it during the service.

Then we stood up as the youngest daughter and our housemate read the prayers of the people. Then I got up to recite the Mourner's Kaddish in Hebrew and in English. I believe she would have liked it as she was greatly interested in Hebrew and learning what the original language of the Bible said. Mind you, we're still standing.

Then came the elements for the eucharist, brought forward by the daughter in law and a close personal friend who is a pastor at a local church. Then the singing of a doxology and as people came forward to receive the bread and wine, another song. Gosh, I just can't remember the titles. We finally got to sit down after the family (who went first) went up to receive communion.
I didn't partake, in case you were wondering. Neither did the brother's daughter, who is RC.

Then the family recollections. Her sister got up and read something she had written about her sister. It was heartfelt and emotional and she struggled a bit, but got through it. The youngest daughter read something she wrote, which was also very emotional. The adopted daughter read a one paragraph statement, which was very sweet. Then the husband (me father in law) got up and talked about this woman whom he had been married to for 42 years and 2 months plus a four year courtship. It was sprinkled with little anecdotes that made some laugh, which was nice. I was grateful that he said he would not go into detail over that time period. I also wonder, how do you tell a group of people (most of whom who knew her, but only marginally) of the love of your life that you had for so many years? Can it really be condensed into a five, ten minute speech? Not really. No, not at all. People would be left with a few select memories of this woman. What her family wished to share about her. Which is nice and all, but you still don't know her. Ah well, the service would take way way way too long if everybody who ever knew her got up and said something about her.

The Apostles' Creed, the Lord's Prayer, some more hymns and a commendation. It's all out of order, but those pieces were in the service as well. Ah, the last hymn was "Onward Christian Soldiers." I think she would have liked that as well. Once the memorial service is over, which we called a celebration of her life, it's time to march on. It's time to carry her memory and light forward into the world. Do as she would wish us to do. Live life fully, for the glory of God. Serve Him with all your heart and soul, for such was her life.

We finally get done, the wife races to the rest room, and we form another receiving line. It was really nice to see how many people had come to the service. The husband's co-workers, friends of the family, church members, members of the community choir of which she participated, people we hadn't seen in years, even my boss and his wife and our office manager and his wife came. Now, my boss and his wife had met me mother in law twice. Once at a Jack and Jill party during the wife and my engagement. And the second time was at our wedding. The office manager and his wife had never met her, but they showed up anyway to support me. That was a nice touch.

In the hallway outside the sanctuary were several tables and chairs for people to sit at and have coffee or tea. And on one of the tables was a small photo album that the youngest daughter had put together with photographs of her mother from infancy through college, marriage, and motherhood. Really very neat. Also included were photographs of her parents, her siblings, her husband, her children, the pets, family vacations, family friends, etc. Again, pieces of her life.

All in all it was a really nice ceremony. Very touching, but also good for the soul.

Praise Adonai to Whom our praise is due. Praise Adonai to Whom our praise is due, now and forever.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Praise God

Phil 4:4. Psalm 52:9; 75:9.

Paul says to rejoice in the Lord always. He even repeats the command-"and again I say, rejoice." The Psalms declare praise of God forever.

I wonder, in the midst of despair, of darkness, of sadness, of heartache and woe, of misery, is it possible to rejoice in Him? Can we praise Him at all times, even when we don't feel like it?

Sure, it's easy to accept the good from the Lord and give thanks unto Him for the many blessings He has bestowed upon us. When we can eat our fill and have fine houses and clothes for our bodies and shoes for our feet, when we are surrounded by family and friends and can fellowship with one another, it's a right and good and easy thing to rejoice in the Lord. It's also easy to forget the Lord too. (Deut 8). Be that as it may, when times are good, it's by far easier to rejoice in the Lord and praise His Name.

Now, on the other side, when we are overcome with grief, with sorrow, with bitter tears, with anger at the unfair taking of life, with thoughts of unspoken words, last memories, things that will never be done, how can we rejoice? If the command is to rejoice always, that means to rejoice at all times. In good and bad. In joy and sorrow. In times of plenty and times of want. Always. Don't rejoice only when you feel like it.

And yet, how can I? In my head, I know it is a right and good thing to praise God for the good and the bad. Shall we accept only the good and not trouble? (Job) And in my heart, I am grieving. I am unable to summon the joy of the Lord. And even if I were somehow to do so, would it not be a betrayal of my emotions? Should I not allow myself to grieve? What is it about her passing that leaves me empty of joy?

It has been said that we should rejoice at a death (not necessarily the manner of dying) in much the same way as we rejoice in a ship coming back to port. For we know that the passengers are safe and have come home. So too at death does the person finally arrive safely home. And at a birth, we should be sad and anxious just like we are for those leaving on a ship. For we know not what storms and troubles will come their way on their journey and if they will make it safely back home.

How completely contrary we treat the opposite ends of life. Birth is received with joy and death with grief. There's no getting around that. Life is celebrated. And it should be. I wonder, can we understand death as a part of life? That death is not the end but merely a transformation? The body goes into the ground, the soul returns to the Source from whence it came. And where the soul is, there is only goodness and joy and light and no more weeping or sighing or bitter tears. Shouldn't we be happy for that soul? Shouldn't we rejoice over that fact? I don't know.

I believe that we weep here on earth for those left behind. The dearly departed have no more pain, but we do. We weep for ourselves. We also weep because the departed will never experience certain things that we and they wished to. At least, not with us. We feel a keen sense of loss. There's so many things left undone, left unsaid. It pains the heart to know that nothing will be the same again. And so we weep, we mourn, we grieve. Even though we ought to praise God forever and rejoice in Him always, how hard it is to do so.

Lord, help us to be ever mindful of You, even in the midst of the darkness. Even though our hearts are weary and heavy laden with grief and sorrow, let us never forsake praising Your Name, just as you promise never to forsake us. I will sing the praises of the Lord even though my voice and heart break. Amen and amen.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Pieces of her life

This is going to be really, really long....Just saying.... :)

For the last few days, I've been over to my father in law's house with my wife and her sister and their brother and his wife and our house mate and my mother in law's sister and we've been going through me mother in law's stuff.

For one, we've been cleaning out refrigerators, yes more than one, and the food pantry. We've had to throw out piles and piles of food. The woman just kept buying more and more food. She had so much, she didn't remember what she had and what she didn't. So food got pushed to the back, and out of sight, out of mind. Oh man, there was stuff that had expired years ago. The record belonged to something that used to be food that expired in 1992. That's the year I graduated highschool. Talk about ancient history.

The housemate and I went through her piles of catalogs. Some people collect stamps or coins or antiques or newspapers or bottlecaps or whatever. She collected catalogs. Of course, it's also very easy to collect catalogs. Buy one thing from one catalog just one time and you'll be inundated with catalogs for life. The thing is, she never threw any of them out. And it wasn't just a matter of picking up a stack of catalogs and dumping them in the trash. No, we had to leaf through each one because interspersed were pieces of mail, receipts, bank statements, etc. The labor was not in vain, however, as my father in law was able to locate a receipt from Wal Mart for some shirts his wife had boughtened him but were too small. So he was able to return them. :D

The women folk, with occasional input from my wife's brother, have been going through the jewelry, taking notes of who wants what with the understanding that nothing was going to leave the house without final approval from the husband. And there was a ton of jewelry. I don't think they're even halfway done yet.

And there's still clothes and books and cosmetics and shoes and so on and so forth.

And what struck me is how intimate a process this is. We're going through her life, in a sense. See what kinds of food she bought. She how she took care of her husband who had gout and therefore certain dietary restrictions. She what kinds of foods she bought for herself because of her diabetes and other health issues. See how she was concerned about being able to feed me kosher foods (not strictly rabbinic kosher, Biblically kosher). And lo, how much we have to throw out. Are we discarding her in a way? Are we relegating her to the trash heap? I prefer to think not. I think she would have liked to clean out her refrigerators and pantry as well. She just never found the time to be able to do so. Still, it's a hard thing to do.

And with going through the catalogs and such, we found scraps of paper with her handwritten notes on them. Recipes, meal plans for birthday dinners, Christmas cookie lists, etc. It's stuff to pull on your heart strings. Yea, how she loved to cook. She often said that she learned to cook in "self-defense." Apparently, her mother, whom I never met, was an awful cook. I mean dreadful. I mean just terrible. Couldn't get a hot meal on the table to save her life. Couldn't manage to get all the various pieces done at the same time. And so me mother in law became a cook out of necessity and by the time I got to know her, her powers were at their height.

I have no interest in my mother in law's jewelry. I wear one piece of jewerly. Just one. My wedding band. But I don't object to me wife and her siblings and her aunt and our house mate going through the jewelry, of which there is a great deal and seeing what pieces catch their eye, or their heart, as the case may be. That's a long, difficult process, and the cause for many tears as people would recall specific instances of her wearing them or remembering occasions associated with them.

Pieces of her life. Little mementos to remember her by. It's not always the big shock of a sudden death that cuts your heart. Sometimes, it's the little things that will be missed. The words of affection, the hugs and kisses, the look and feel of her hair, the scent of her cooking. Periodically, some random thing will call to mind a memory long forgotten. A mother and child sitting together in a restaurant; a beautiful autumn day that calls to mind the tree outside their unit at Trapp; a photograph from a vacation that we took; a handwritten note found tucked away in some book; a song on the radio; a prayer. Such things cut deeply because we can't share them with her. When these things happen, all we have is her memory.

In going through her material possessions and throwing out that which can no longer be used and donating that which can be used but nobody in the fambly wants it's like we're saying goodbye. It will be a long, slow, difficult road. It will be strewn with tears, and sorrow and heartache. But there is also laughter as we remember funny moments, good times, how she loved to laugh, to sing, and to delight in her family.

There is a time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to laugh and a time to cry. And I have felt that the two should not mix. When mourning, mourn. Allow yourself to grieve, deeply. When laughing, laugh, deeply. When dancing, dance with all your might. Still, is not even this sadness tempered with joy? Is not the grief we feel somehow eased by the knowledge that she is with her Lord and Savior? Can we not smile through tears as we recall her goodness, her love, her light? I don't know. I struggle with this daily. I suppose the best thing is to be honest with our feelings. Don't surpress grief or joy because you feel either would be inappropriate.

Who can tell another what to say or how to feel? Who wants to hear, "well, when my mother died, I mourned for a year, and then I moved on." Or, "it's been a year, [a couple years, however long], don't you think it's time to move on?" Stop it! You don't know us! You don't know what we're feeling! How dare you tell us when it's time to move on?

Everybody's grieving process is different. Everybody takes a different amount of time to accept a loss. Not 'get over', accept. I don't think you ever truly get over a loss as deep as this.

May her memory always be for a blessing. May we call to mind the goodness that she shared even as we go through the pieces of her life.

Glory to God in the highest. Let peace descend on us, on all Israel, and all the world, and let us say, amen.